Within our Darkest Night

Beloved,

I continue to experience the dark night of the soul.  Little has any draw or appeal.  I eat because my body makes me, not because it is at all desirable.  I move and get out of bed because I am needed.  But I have no oomph.  My spark, my fire, is flickering as though in a violent wind.

Can anyone help to lift the burden of despair this morning?  You, O Lord, know.  And what of the sea of emotion churning so rapidly within?  How can words begin to express them?  They are nonsensical. And so is the task of attempting to articulate them...

*sigh*

I wish I could feel Your Presence, Dear One.  Today I feel far from you.  I trust that You are near, but something is in the way of my hearing of your heartbeat.

Clear the air, Beloved.  Until I can see, hear, smell and feel You again I will wait.  I wait and watch for the light of the Dawn.

Ebb & Flow: The Rise and Fall of the Stormy Sea

Beloved, 

Watching someone you love slowly fading away is very difficult... 

The intense tumult of emotion resting just beneath the surface is something I fear few would want to endure. I don't even want to endure it myself. But if I don't say that I'm hurting, I am attempting to deceive myself and You, and failing miserably at both. 

"Incoming Storm" - Photo by Trista Wynne

A storm is brewing! Lightning! Thunder! Waves crashing overhead! The boat is sinking! Everybody out! 

With one last breath I cry: “I am strong! This will not take me! I will not sink quietly into the deep!”

Praying with the Church

Today, while the baby I nanny sleeps in the next room, I join my brothers and sisters throughout the world walking through the Order of Holy Eucharist in the Book of Common Prayer.  In particular, I join my sisters and brothers at St Thomas Medina where I served as Children's and Youth Intern over this last summer.  They have a mid-week Eucharist service at ten o'clock every week.  I have been a part of their worshipping community for two and a half years.  Now I join them from a different state, but my spirit continues to be with them.  So, today I am reading along with them.

I have come to the part in the service where the Prayers of the People are being offered up.  We are called to pray:

• For the Universal Church, its members and its mission
• For the Nation and all in authority
• For the welfare of the world
• For the concerns of the local community
• For those who suffer and those in any trouble
• For the departed and those who grieve

And so, let us join together in prayer: 

Beloved,

We ask for Your Church to be comprehensive in vision, open in inclusion, willing in service, quick to love and slow to judge.  We ask for hope and light and wisdom to be poured out upon the world in Jesus' name through Your Church.  And we pray for the same to come to pass through the world towards Your Church so that all in Your service will recall that You are Lord over all the earth.

We pray for our nation, torn in battle over who is the greatest.  We pray for wisdom and discernment for all who are in leadership.  We pray for our president, for our senators, for our congress-folk, for all in the administrative cabinet, for all who are in service to our country, for our mayors and governors, our state leaders, our tribal councils, and all elected and influential people.  Beloved, may the work of Your Kingdom: the Kingdom of peace, love, light and grace become evident through the words and actions of our leaders.  May we seek justice, love mercy and abide in steadfast love and faithfulness as a nation.  May we not turn our backs on the poor, the oppressed, the alien, the widow, the mistreated, the social outcast, the mentally ill, the physically disabled or any other people group.  May we work diligently as a nation to remove poverty, to pursue social equity, to provide health and mental health coverage to all regardless of gender, race, creed, sexual orientation or legal status.  May we learn not to discriminate against our neighbors, but to embrace them in love and respect.  In these ways, the world may know that You are here.

We pray for the world.  We lift up our sisters and brothers from all nations who are feeling the effects of war, poverty, abusive regimes, tyranny, genocide and all kinds of horrific atrocities that make Your heart sick.  We pray that You will work through the governments of the world to restore justice and mercy to the ends of the earth.  We pray for the women throughout the world who do not have equal access to education: may true equality be seen throughout the world!  We pray for all who are bullied or ostracized on account of sexual orientation: may discrimination and mistreatment cease!  We pray for children who are abused or neglected: may they no longer slip under the radar of a broken system!  May Your light shine brightly to expose the problems in our systems, and may Your Light and Wisdom be granted to all of us so that we might work together to fix what is broken in our societies.  Then all may know that You are God.

We pray for our own cities and towns.  We ask for You to again help us to pursue justice and equity in our neighborhoods, in our congregations, in our community centers, in our work places, in our homes and in our schools.  We pray for Your Holy Spirit to guide our interactions with all whom we meet.  May Your light shine so brightly through us that the people around us may see and know that You are Love.

We pray for the wounded.  We lift up the mentally ill.  We pray for the grieving.  We pray for our brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, grandparents and parents, neighbors and friends who are struggling financially, emotionally, physically or mentally.  We pray for those who are in need of surgery, for those who cannot afford health care and therefor neglect their bodies to the point that they cannot be mended and for those who cannot afford mental health coverage.  We pray for all who do not yet know that they have a terminal illness.  We pray for the doctors, the nurses and the entire healthcare teams throughout the world who are working to provide care and searching for better treatments for the illnesses that plague all of us.  We pray for the animals You created: may they be treated with dignity and respect.  May those who are raised for food be ethically treated and receive good lives.  May those who enter our homes and our properties as domestic animals receive love, proper nutrition and care.  May those who have suffered abuse and neglect be rescued and find better homes!  May any organization that allows or promotes the abuse or neglect of Your creatures be exposed and destroyed.  May all of Your creatures be viewed as beautiful and seen as gifts of Your grace, works of Your hand and therefore loved and honored in Your name.

We pray for hospice workers: nurses, chaplains, volunteers and therapists of all kinds.  May they receive abundant grace, be filled with great wisdom and be treated with deep gratefulness by all.  We pray for the dying, that they might receive therapies, herbs and medicine that will ease their pain and discomfort.  We pray that they might receive all the treatments they need to ease their transition from this life to the next.  We pray for the chaplains and spiritual leaders who minister to them and to their families.  We pray for those who have already passed from life to Life, that they might receive a gentle repose and may know the Love and Light and Peace that is your own heart.  May we all be reunited in You when the time is proper.

In Jesus' name through the Holy Spirit we pray, 

Amen.

Joy in the Season

Beloved,

Thank you for the laughter of little ones to begin my day.  Thank you for the precious gifts of your flowers and fruits.  As I walked this morning with the baby I nanny, we were delighted to watch the crows and robins soaring in the air. 


Tiny fingers stretched forth from the stroller to grasp and examine the lovely periwinkle flowers poking through a chain-link fence.  The humming of the bumble bees on the last bit of blooming lavender brought squeals of joy from us both.  And all I can say is thank you. 

May tomorrow's observations of Your creation be just as blessed, in Jesus' name, amen.