Reflecting on a Dream

Tomorrow I head to the coast for a discernment retreat with a very dear friend of mine.  This evening, as the last bits of light from the daylight slowly fade and the shadows of nightfall once again cover the land, I have found myself pawing through my journal pages.  What might the Spirit might illuminate for me to ruminate upon?

This entry leaps off the page into my psyche.  This is what my spirit is swirling over this evening...

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Sunday, the 17th of March, 7:15 p.m. -- Today I presided at The Lord's Table for the first time.  I am very blessed to be in a church where "the priesthood of all believers" is not just theory but praxis.  This beautiful congregation at Murrayhills Christian has blessed me beyond belief.

First Day Presiding - 17 March 2013 - Photo by Matthew Wynne

I have dreamed of this day since I was three.  Very few dreams stick with us persistently for that long.  This dream, and visions of myself as pastor, have gone through ebbs and flows of urgency over the years.  Certain aspects, (like pay, setting, denomination, location) have gone through significant transformation over the years -- particularly in the years leading up to, and during, seminary.  Still, the dream of presiding at the Eucharist Table -- breaking the bread and blessing the cup in the Jesus tradition, extending an open invitation to all -- has remained as a constant.

Navigating the Waters

Beloved,

I've had some rough days as of late, several that I have struggled to write about in my private journal, let alone to distill and record here on this prayer blog.  My spirit and my body have been tied up in knots.  You and I have been striving, it seems.  And I have been loosing my perspective on the world, getting caught up in the stormy seas of the newscasts, the dark stories from friends and relatives, the hardships faced by many whom I deeply care for, and now have received some difficult-to-digest words.  Trying to write about it all makes me tired.  I am very tired...

My nanny family is down to one income.  They are hoping to return to two soon, but as a courtesy to me, they have let me know that I may need to begin seeking other options, just in case.  With my husband already without a steady source of income, (though You have certainly provided through odd jobs and caring for family members in these last few months) this news makes us very nervous indeed.

I confess, Beloved, that You have always provided for me and for us.  I also confess, Beloved, that I still struggle to trust that Your provision will continue.  It has very little to do with you, and very much to do with the unpredictability of the people and the world around me.  I have experienced rough waters along the river of life and have learned that many people are not trustworthy, and so, this dis-trust enters into my relationship with You, not because You have shown Yourself to be untrustworthy, but because I have a defense mechanism up (that You know very well) and I want to protect my spirit from the harm of disappointment...

Beloved, thank You for understanding.  Thank You for comforting me through the snuggles and purrs of my kitties this evening.  Thank You for my beloved husband holding my hand.  Thank You for holding me through his arms.  Thank You for smoothing the rough waters.

Signs of New Life

Beloved ~

As we journey through the middle of the winter time, I have found it hard to remember the light of your love.  My soul has often felt like it was swirling in a thick fog or meandering about in the darkness, lacking direction and confidence.  Such have the months been since graduating from seminary and asking what is next.  Here, though, in these last few days, it seems that your Spirit has been stirring and opening new doors.  I have now sold my second painting: "The Tree of Life".  A shining reminder that You are in the midst of making all things new, I feel like you have affirmed my pathway of artistic and creative endeavors.  I am filled with peace.

Painting, "The Tree of Life" by Trista Wynne

In the same day, as I opened the door to walk onto our back patio, I noticed that the bulbs I planted shortly after we arrived in this place are now beginning to sprout!  I am so very thankful for these signs of new life and promise.  These simple signs remind me of your presence, even in the swirling questions regarding my purpose and the reasons for moving back to my childhood hometown.

The questions remain, but at least I don't feel like You are very far away.  Even if I have to continue waiting, I am comforted in the reminder that You are here, in the shadows and fog.  You are watching and waiting right alongside of me.

Perhaps that is the reminder that you gave during the epiphany so many years ago -- a sign of your love and light, your very Presence wrapped in human flesh, shining in the midst of the dark night.  You are not so very far from any of us, are you?  For all of these signs of new light and life, thank you.

Photo by Trista Wynne

In a Sea of Questions

Beloved,

Today my husband lost his job.

I haven't a clue what to say.

I am floundering in a sea of questions.  Tumbling in the dryer of life.  Flattened by the steamroller of sadness.

What will we do?

What will You do?

Dear Lord, have mercy...

Sitting on the Shore: Preparing for Retreat Time

"Sitting in the Sand" - Photo by Trista Wynne

This weekend I will be heading to the beach for a personal retreat: just me, the waves, a little cottage and my God.  The labels give you an idea of what the last few months have been like as I've donned the cap and gown of seminary studies, (wrapping up the final quarter this summer -- halfway through today) pondered the last ten years, (I've been married for a decade now) thought about whether or not to move back near or into our childhood town, been wrestling with a change of direction in my calling, figuring out how best to support aging parents, and pondering a whole host of other topics.  Wondering what is in store for, I simply record a little prayer before returning to my packing.  I wonder what this weekend will reveal...


Beloved,

It's been a little while since I've felt your presence in a palpable way.  I see glimpses of You in the faces and actions of the dear ones at my internship site, and Your love and grace are evident in this place.  And yet, it seems that You and I have been separated for a time.

Questions and chaos about the present and future seem to swirl around me.  Have I gone into hiding on account of the storm?  Are You in the midst of it?  Have You  been listening?  Have I been talking to You?  Have I been listening?

The winds and debris are swirling so wildly.  Questions of "helpful" people wanting me to land on a direction pummel me like tsunami waves.  I have enough doubts to make Your Thomas look like one who never questioned.

Growing in the Light

Hello, Beloved.

My heart is much more at peace this evening than it was just a couple of days ago.  You have granted a good sliver of sunshine both days, and I was able to get out and walk without a sweatshirt for three days in a row, at least for a while.  I look forward to having several days in a row where I won't even think about putting on a sweatshirt or sweater.  Perhaps those days are not so very far away.

Walking the Way

Oh Lord,

I can't sleep tonight.  I'm angry!  I'm angry that I can't find a place to land in the Church.  I'm angry that I'm feeling alone, and that so many people are arguing with one another over whose Church it really is.  The details are in my journal this evening, but there are areas in the churches around me that are making me hurt, and because I feel hurt I write in anger.  It's not directed at anyone but You, because You are the only one that can handle the depth of my emotions. 

*sigh*

Lord, please, give Your Church guidance, vision and inspiration.  We are so lost.  People around here don't know You because we in the Church are so focused on digging our heels into the ground and fighting one another.  We use manipulative techniques to try and deprive each other of power.  We don't recognize any denominations except our own.  We can't even seem to reconcile differences within our own congregations.

Oh Lord, have mercy!

Ah, Lord, I feel like my ministerial visioning is a bit like the weather in Seattle.  I get a glimpse of hope, sunshine and clarity, and then the rainclouds of reality come and separate me from the vision for a while.  The vision always comes back, and I know it's there in the distance, but there are days that are darker than others, and there are times when the clouds are simply very, very heavy.

Today is one of those days, Beloved.

I'm glad that You are with me today.  I'm glad that You walk me through the dark valley when I'm there, and that You allow me to wrestle with You when I'm angry with Your peoples.  Forgive me for the times that I take my anger out on them instead of You.  Help me to be more creative with my interactions, and to use my imagination to heal where woundedness is clearly evident.

Lord, help us to reconcile with one another.  Help Your peoples to aim for unity.  I know that we miss the mark; that's why You came, Lord Jesus.  With Your help, Beloved, we can improve our aim.  In time, our practice of faith will become healthier in Your hands.  One day we will be right on target, and walking the Way which You have given to us.

I hope that day comes soon.

Show me, Sophia-Spirit, what I can do to help the world draw closer to our Beloved.  I desire to work with You, not against You.  Help me to see through Your eyes.  Amen.

Joining together of Old and New: Praying for Healing and Unity of the Generations in the Church of Christ

"Strong Roots" - Photo by Trista Wynne

Beloved,

My heart is downcast within me.  I miss my time with my grandma, and I long for encouraging interactions with the elder generations around me.  You graciously have provided me with several neighbors with whom I am interacting on a regular basis who are in the generation before me, and we learn so much from one another.  I do, however, long for the wisdom and encouragement that came from my grandma.  With her I felt safe and accepted for who I was.  I was never afraid to admit a wrongdoing or a mistake, for we could often laugh together about something similar she had done when she was my age.  She had many stories to tell me that brought history to life.  I always learned something new when we were together.  She deeply valued our relationship as well. 

My stories and adventures brought her great joy and she was always delighted to hear about the new things that I tried.  We even had many adventures where we tried new things together.  New recipes and outdoor exploring sites came forth out of our mutual desire to learn and to grow.  She saw You in me, and she listened attentively as I explored the truths that Your Spirit was speaking.  We prayed together often, and she opened up Scriptures to me in exciting, tangible ways through her life stories.  We were respected, valued and loved.  Perhaps this is why, even though we didn’t see one another every week, when we were together, it was as though we had never parted.  I look forward to the time when we will be reunited together in Your Holy Kingdom, when all things are made new in the fullness of time.

"New Breath" - Photo by Trista Wynne

My heart is downcast, though, because relationships like this are hard to come by in Your Church today.  The elder members neglect to encourage the younger generations and neither group respects the other.  I see the need for something new for Your Church to enter into the future, but know that You have not equipped me for building or sustaining; You have created me as a visionary, a dreamer, a creative spirit whose exuberance and delight in You might inspire others to bring forth this new thing that is percolating on the edges of the present day.  And so, dear Lord, I invite others to join me in the following prayer so that we might enter into this glorious future well-equipped for the mission work that You have given Your peoples to accomplish.  We pray for unity and healing so that the world may know that You are Love!

We pray, dear Lord, that you might bring the generations throughout your Church together so that the younger generations might receive encouragement and mentoring, and the older generations might feel appreciated and valued.  We pray for healing of the wounds which each party has inflicted upon the other.  Wherever we have contributed to these wounds, we pray for grace and forgiveness.  Grant us the wisdom and the courage to join together, to share our stories and to listen prayerfully to one another so that together we can enter into the blessed future that You are preparing for your worldwide Church.  We pray for denominational and generational borders to gently fade so that a new, vibrant, united Church might be seen and that, as Your Beloved Son prayed, we might be known by our love of one another. 

"Beauty in New Life" - Photo by Trista Wynne

May You, O Lord, raise up from among us prophets and visionaries, builders and activists, and developers of sustainability.  May we work together so that future generations will look back upon our time and see Your Sophia-Spirit moving through what we pray, say and do together.  May it all be for our Beloved's glory in Christ Jesus.

Empowered by the Holy Spirit, we pray this in the name of Jesus the Christ, and we desire Your glory above our own.  Amen.

What then shall We say? You Alone Know, O Lord!

Beloved Jesus ~

No one in Your time, save for Mary of Bethany, seemed to understand the gravity of the time You found Yourself in during the last days of Your earthly life. How could they comprehend what they had never before seen? What could You use as an illustration of the events that were about to unfold? How could it possibly make sense, even to those who followed You so closely?

The work which our Father had given for You to accomplish was new and strange to them. The ministry You did and the love You gave was like nothing they had ever experienced, but was not without connection to the work of our Father throughout history. How could You describe what You were given to accomplish? The analogies simply fell short of the reality; and they still do today.

Ah Beloved, there is not one person who fully comprehends all that You accomplished through Your incarnation. Your birth, life, death and resurrection, although foretold in bits and pieces of vision through the prophets of old, still caught everyone by surprise when it all came to pass. No one quite understood what You were doing while they were in Your presence, but they all knew that something was different about You.

They were intrigued and excited, or perhaps a bit nervous and skeptical. But mostly the people around You were simply hungry for truth, love and freedom. They were feeling abandoned or neglected and trapped in oppressive circumstances. Most of all, they were lacking hope.

Likewise, we who are entering ministry today find ourselves surrounded by people in similar circumstances. The people we are called to work with, to tend to, and to feed, are Your peoples who have lost sight of Your direction or have not yet been introduced to Your freedom and love. We are called to search for those who are wandering far from the way that leads to life. We are called to bring light to a darkened world and hope to those who are filled with dread at the thoughts of the future. We are called to bring healing and a message of Your reconciliation to a world filled with war, violence and bloodshed. You have given us to be healing balm to a wounded, suffering world.



"Life in the Midst of Death" - Photo by Trista Wynne

 How then shall we speak to them, Beloved? What then shall we say? How will our pathways be like, and unlike, Yours? Oh Lord, You alone know!

As we prepare to enter our calling more deeply, may we be humble and willing to accept correction when the Spirit deems it necessary, and resilient enough to let unwarranted criticism roll of our backs. May we be soft enough to be approachable, and strong enough to stand firm when You call us to, O Lord. May Your Sophia-Spirit breathe wisdom into us so that we can respond gently and peaceably in all the times and spaces where such responses are needed. May all that we are, and all that we do, be for Your glory, Beloved; may the world come to know the Father who sent us in the first place, in Your name, amen.

Butterflies, Sunshine & Wide-Eyed Anticipation: Watching for New Life in Lent

Precious Beloved ~

Originally I had a fairly clear plan as to what I would do today, but I was willing to let go of my preconceived ideas of what the day would hold, and the entire day has been tremendously blessed. I trust that this is indicative of my lifelong journey as well, and at this time, of my worship life as we approach this new endeavor and unanticipated pathway. Your Holy Spirit blows where She will, and all I can do is be willing to watch for signs of Her action in the people, earth and creation around me, and to listen to my heart's response in order to find where I am called.

This is what journeying through Lent is all about -- releasing our ideas about what should happen and allowing You to work as You so desire. In Christ we see Your heart, O God! Through the promptings of Sophia-Spirit, all of our theological assertions and analogies simply fall to the ground like the palm branches of holy week; they are trampled so that the seeds of love might be pressed into the ground and a new creation can spring forth as we declare, "Hosanna".

Today, although I had distinct plans of where I would go and to whom I would speak, You, Beloved, had a different idea, and I am so very glad that You did. Through the unanticipated conversations, the blessed sunshine and the wild weather that followed, Your presence was truly palpable. What a lovely tryst it was!

As I grabbed my camera and sprung out into the delightfully sunny afternoon, I had the butterflies in my belly of a young lover who catches a glimpse of the one they long for more than life itself. I thought I might burst with joy and anticipation of the coming thing! Whatever was coming, I knew it was going to be tremendous. So I found the quickest way to enter the garden to capture the radiant reflections of Your glory which infuses each flower with beauty. I could hardly remain in my seat for the car ride, and virtually leapt forth onto the nature trails to soak in Your light.


"Joyful Illumination" - At the Botanical Garden - Photo by Trista Wynne


My mind feels like the earth which is in the midst of being pushed aside for new life to spring forth, and every fiber of my being vibrates with songs of delight. What is this new creation that I sense is coming? What sort of new life will spring forth within, through or around me? Like a child nearing their birthday, or a lover who has been asked to cover their eyes, I wonder, and I yearn, and I dance while I wait.

The storm clouds roll in and rain pours down but still I watch and I dance and I wait. Lightning flashes and thunder sounds, and yet I watch, I dance and I wait. Snow flurries swirl and darkness flows around, and still I watch, I dance and I wait. What is this new life about to spring forth? In Lent, I watch, I dance and I wait.

The Kingdom, Clay & Embryos in the Womb: Reflecting on Change & Shaping of the Future

Beloved,

Transitions are difficult and hard on the heart even when we know the decisions are right. With Frankincense shifting to an “unplugged” version of meeting with lower frequency, the majority of our Sunday evenings will open up but it means we must say farewell to the way things have been. Maybe this will enable me to do the missiological work which You have been fairly clearly prompting me to do since You have been developing in me a heart for the un-churched. Maybe You have something completely different in store for us all than we had envisioned for ourselves. Maybe this is true for more than simply the place in which we worship; maybe it is true of our lives as well.

In a sermon given last week by our dear friend and pastor in Beaverton, the image of being a lump of clay was lifted up as one of the most difficult yet necessary ways in which we as human beings are referenced in the Bible. We, as he said, have a hard time accepting this reality, for we are indoctrinated by our culture to believe that we do (or should) control our own movements and shaping. Simply laying in Your hands and allowing You to mold us into something new is counter-intuitive to us once we emerge from the womb.

"In the Potter's Hands" - Photo by Trista Wynne

No wonder You said we must be born anew to enter the Kingdom! And no wonder Lady Julian saw all of creation as encompassed in Your Divine womb! We must return to a place of complete connection with You so that we can be birthed into a new life of trust, freedom and abundance. As long as we are trying to shape ourselves, we are not relying on You, and so we are not able to reach our full potential because only You know what fullness of life really means.

I know, Beloved, many who read the rest of this prayer will have difficulty joining me in this exercise of trust since the earthquakes in Japan and the Tsunamis that followed are still so fresh in our minds. News of wars, famines and pestilence floods our minds when we turn on our electronics, and we find ourselves battling depression, anxiety and all sorts of disharmony. But in a world of tension and fear, where chaos and disturbance threaten the shalom You so deeply desire, I feel You calling me, and calling the world, to seek comfort in You. Although there are forces acting in opposition to Your desires for peace, health and wholeness, whenever Your messengers of truth come into the world, their greeting is always “fear not”. May we all learn to live in fullness of trust that in the end You will make everything right.

And so, dear Potter, desiring to trust You more and desiring to enter the fullness of the Kingdom while becoming more fully present here on the earth, I simply lay down my expectations of myself, of my future, of my relationships, of my worshipping community, and of the world around me. May I, and all that I carry, be as clay in Your hands or as an embryo in Your uterus. Let it all take shape as You so desire. Through the Holy Spirit, in Jesus’ name I pray, amen.

On a Hardening Heart: Pondering a Change of Direction

Dear Lord,

My heart is growing more rigid today. Is this of You, in preparation for separation or transition, or do I need to address something? If I am growing more rigid in a way that is not of You, I pray for a softening of heart and new visioning for the future.

I release all that I am and all that I have and all that I am doing into your care, admitting once more that it was never really mine to begin with. Only let me live to Your glory.

Ah, Lord, is this where You want me to be? Does it allow me to be doing what You would want me to be doing? What have I chosen a paper on a topic that would cause me such grief?!

I think that it’s because I know that it breaks Your heart like it breaks mine. And You, as the Beloved of all people who calls even simple folk like me in the darkest parts of the night to come hear Your heartbeat, You speak to my heart concerning the depth of Your passions, and I often cry Your tears.

Your peoples are crying for justice; O Lord, I hear them! Your peoples are crying for mercy; O Lord, I join in their plea! Your peoples are crying for Your Kingdom; O Lord, let Your Kingdom shine!

Papa, our Papa-God,
who hears our cries in heaven,
may Your Kingdom come
     be evident here and now
     and everywhere throughout the earth!

May Your name,
which is above all names
     be praised forever more!

*****

Ah, Lord, You bring me to the Lamentations of Jeremiah, and I have prayed them all as my prayer this evening on behalf of all who suffer and groan. In the midst of the suffering, several verses stand out as words of trust and hope, and I pray that I might be able to speak these words with truth and conviction. Your steadfast love endures, O Lord, and in the midst of everything, even during severe reprimand, this much remains true throughout eternity.

Teach me, Lord, and all of those who are called to minister in Your name, whatever You would like to teach us through these words of lament and hope. My spirit continues to lift this prayer and to be in dialogue with You, even as I prepare to enter my slumber. I do want to be Your servant, for You are a loving, compassionate and just Master, my Love!

On Christianity, Poverty & Wealth

While sitting at a coffee shop in an affluent area, I found my spirit grating within me. I had just been riding the public transit, praying for and talking to my fellow riders, and have been recently having my eyes opened to many of the reasons for poverty throughout the world. When I overheard conversation regarding vacation homes, new businesses and how much little dog’s outfits cost, I thought I might scream. Instead I brought out my pen and let my spirit connect with the Spirit of Grace and Truth.

*****

Ah, Lord, I wonder what I am doing here! I am deeply passionate about things that many of these people just let pass them by. Lord, what would You like to come forth out of this? I definitely hold the issues of Christianity, Poverty and Wealth close to my heart, but I do not yet know what to do about the issues I am learning about.

Lord, let my mind, heart, body and passions be fertile ground for Your Spirit’s seed. May the pathos and teachings of Jesus till the soil and nourish the tree of life taking root, and may the harvest be full, abundant and for Your glory. Please grant me courage and wisdom and inspiration to speak, act and write in ways that would grow Your Kingdom. Is there someone here You would like me to talk to today, or maybe to learn from them, or maybe simply to overcome my own prejudices?

Father, forgive me for just looking at the surface instead of the poverty within the conversation around me. Please help me to see people as You see them. Lord Jesus, You looked at the rich man with pity, mercy and compassion; help me to do the same. Spirit of Peace, infuse my inner being with Your grace and add an extra dose of love.

Perhaps the way to minister to the world at large is to soften the hearts of the rich towards the poor and likewise to do the same with the poor towards the rich. We are at such odds with one another and filled with such animosity, one toward another, that no compassion is shown.

I wonder what the churches around these areas, and others like them, teach about money. Lord, please let Your truth be known! Help the rich and poor to dialogue together. Help us to listen to one another in compassion and love.

What do You say, Lord? What would an ideal economic structure look like and how could we go about fostering such a system within our communities? I trust that Your Spirit will flow through my studies and dialogues to help me reflect Christ in my paper on this topic, but also in my life, teaching, writing, prayers, reflections, worship leadership, art, song and dance.

Oh Jesus, Beloved, when You walked the earth in the flesh, how did You feel towards Rome? I sometimes focus on the poor and other underdogs in Your life and forget that You also walked and talked and ate with powerful tax collectors, rich teachers and influential leaders in Your time. Always You did so to mend the broken stratification system. Always You taught those who thought they had power that the powerless were worthwhile and on the same level as them. Lord, teach me. Help me to see all people as equal. I do not want to stratify anymore. I want to break free from the system I was born into and to experience the freedom that comes from never seeing anyone as less than myself, and never seeing myself as anything less than Your Beloved. You are the Lover of all.

I want to see the world through Your eyes, to experience the love and compassion that You felt, and to shine as brightly as You shone. In order to fulfill this desire, which has been placed on my heart by Your own Spirit, I must be filled with You. And in order to be filled with You, I must be emptied of my prejudices, my judgments and my own sense of shame and guilt. O Lord, have mercy!

Enlighten my eyes from the inside out. I suspect that You are already living in every person in the world but are seen most clearly shining through the lens of community. Help my vision to be enlightened and healed by You. Here I am, Lord! Let me see with Your eyes, hear with Your ears, and to taste, smell and touch Your way as I walk throughout this world, amen.

On the Travels & Journeys: Pondering the Path of the Year to Come

Hello, Beloved ~


I wonder what You might ask of my husband and I this year. Where will You lead us? Who might we encounter? To whom will we bring Your good news?

"Held in the Father's Love" - Photo by Trista Wynne

I wonder how our writing will be incorporated and how our passions will shine. What might you want to do through my love for children or my husband’s musical skills? How might my joy of baking and his desire for photography come into play? To whom will You send us? For whom shall we prepare?

What colors shall I incorporate into this next painting? And how shall I continue with my schooling endeavors? What might stir up within me through my studies, my painting, my writing and my work?

How would You, O Spirit, like to move within our lives today? How about tomorrow? What about the rest of this year?

What new discoveries might be in store? How will You cultivate our talents? What would You like to give to us to grow and nurture? What shall we give back to You for reshaping? What might need destruction?

How would You like to flow through us to other people? What would you like to teach us through them? What might we discover together?

How would You like us to use our money? How shall we use our time? What would most benefit Your kingdom? Who might we work to set free?

As we prepare, Lord, to enter into the tenth year since our wedding, I wonder what this year might hold. I have more questions than answers, and the future seems far away. How might You desire to shape us, Lord? How shall we shine for You? What might You wish to say through our lives to the world?

I wonder, Beloved…

A Child-like Faith: Seeing our Beloved Everywhere

To detach the walking from the destination

is in fact one of the best ways to recognize the altars you are passing by all the time.

(An Altar in the World, p. 56)

This quote from Barbara Brown Taylor makes me think about meandering home after the elementary school released us when I was a child. I knew that eventually I would get home, but was in no hurry to do so. The house key was safely in my pocket, so I could get in whenever I arrived. But for my young little mind, the journey itself held much more promise than the destination.

"Childhood Discovery" - Photo by Trista Wynne

Those leisurely walks home were filled with great discoveries: hopping frogs, curly potato bugs, slimy slugs, beautiful butterflies, singing birds and much, much more! Everywhere I stepped I found something to captivate my attention. No rock was left unturned, no branch went without feeling the weight of my tiny body, and no creature was ever harmed along my journey where every place was sacred.

How quickly we forget this child-like faith! How easily we neglect the everyday altars of our human existence on this precious, watery planet! How often we ignore the little things while in search for our ultimate goal or career or relationship!

Oh, Beloved, You are present in so many ways already here in the earth. Help us to see You in the many ways You seek to reveal Yourself! Help us when we become frustrated that our journey is taking longer than we expected. Remind us of Your beauty and faithfulness and grace and love present in the little altars of everyday material. Help us to once again become incarnational and to embrace the world around us with love, for You are present in many ways. Amen.

Comfort and Thanksgiving in the Communion of Saints

The altar of the world, the intimacy of human touch, the smell of baking breads, the communion of saints, the reminder of the forgiveness of the sin of the world and the waiting together for the Lord in preparation to act for justice as a community bring me hope and comfort following the lament of the former post.

"Gentle Kneading" - Photo by Matthew Wynne

Papa-God,

Thank you. Thank You for the blustery walk today with my husband. Thank You for the meditation at Frankincense. Thank You for lounging kitties and soft couches. Thank You for electricity and running water, indoor plumbing and garbage collection. Thank you for the sweetness of sugar, the spice of cinnamon and the warmth of freshly baked cinnamon rolls on a chilly winter’s day. Thank You for pungent spices and healing balms, for sacred incense and candle light, the kick of wine and the communion of saints.

Thank You for brothers and sisters across the nations, spanning all times and stages of life. Thank You for connecting us all! May we know in our minds, feel in our hearts and experience in our bodies what it means for you to make us one as You, Jesus and the Spirit are One.

As the wind blows this evening, I remember that You, Beloved, told Your disciples that this would be the mark of the Spirit of Life: that we would not know where they have come from nor where they are going. I’m thankful that those who are born of Your Spirit embody this principle, for sometimes I do not know where I am from or where I am going. I take heart, comforted that You, O Spirit, know where You are leading me, leading my husband, and leading Your Church! May we be stirred up and led by You in Your good timing, and may we trust confidently in You whenever You do so, in Jesus’ name, amen!

More Ponderings for the New Year

As I prepare to enter a new term at Fuller Northwest, I am instructed to reflect on the life and times of Paul through a particular text book, and in the midst of my reading, I find myself pondering the time a few years earlier, when my Lord was present on the earth.  Looking ahead to Epiphany, holding the season of Christmastide in my heart, and thinking about my own life and times, I lay my questions in the lap of my Papa-God.

Jesus, my Love, as I read about the Mediterranean world, I wonder where you found Yourself socially. Did You know what it was like to go hungry for more than a few hours while You grew up? When did Joseph die or fall out of the picture? He was a craftsman, and artist, a carpenter. Did this mean You were above the servant class and never had to worry about Your meals? Or did Your family struggle to make ends meet?  Did You watch the sparrows because Your stomach was empty or were you able to study because You didn’t have to beg for Your food?


Where did Your solidarity with the poor come from? What fueled Your compassion? Did You carry it with You from the Throne of Grace or was it fostered through experience and observation of the world around You?

Am I anything like You, Beloved? Can others see You by looking at my life? When You grew to be a man, did you intentionally choose a life of simplicity in the nomadic style? Or was it fairly common in Your time? Were people drawn to You because they could see some reflection of themselves in You, or You in themselves? How did You foster hope in those who followed You? How can I do the same? How can I become more like You?

Can I be in solidarity with the poor and still own property? If I’m called to serve the poor, is it right for me to be comfortable and well-fed? If I’m called to the “untouchables”, do I need to become an outcast myself?

Beloved, how can I become more like You?

Shifting Directions: A Call to Stillness on the Journey

One day while walking with a friend through a local botanical garden, I found that she was, as Frederick Buechner puts it, getting lost in her own rhetoric . She spiraled around and around in her self-depreciating thoughts and pontifications as we quickly walked along a stony pathway. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed another path, one without the sharp, noisy stones, but lined instead with soft, supportive bark shavings. I leaned in the direction of the smaller, curvy trail to our left and invited her to join me. The chatter stopped as suddenly as the noise from our footfalls ceased echoing through the wooded area. Our breathing slowed as we were engulfed in the peaceful area near the ravine. Even from several feet away, I could feel her blood pressure lowering and saw the wildness drift out of her eyes. I slowed my gait and breathed deeply until we became still and listened to the fluttering wings of a nearby jay bird. The call of a raven hovered on the gentle breeze, and then it was still.


After a length of time I quietly entered the silence with a verbalized rumination on the beauty of that place, noting that I had come down that particular trail several times when I needed Mother Nature to break the cycle of chatter in my mind. We continued standing there for a long moment, allowing ourselves to be filled by the presence of our Creator. As I slowly began making my way around another bend in the pathway and I heard her soft footfalls behind me, I noted that when life seems to be overwhelming to me, I search for things to be grateful for – usually from the things that we often take for granted, like the ability to walk, speak, think, run, breathe, and the presence of running water, food, clothing, shelter, the ability to see this beautiful scenery and to reach out and touch it, receiving the sensations through my fingertips without feeling pain. I let the words remain speaking in the silence that followed until we returned to the path of stones and let the rhythmic sound fill the rest of our time together.

At the end of our walk through the garden, my friend noted the intensity of the shift between the spiraling chaos that she had entered into and the serenity she was led into through the simple change of direction. It was as if, she said, I had physically grabbed hold of her heart and yanked it out of the darkness and brought it into the light which, at that moment, she had almost forgotten existed. Although I had neither physically touched her nor pushed her into the light, the change of atmosphere had brought the shift in an immediate and striking way. As soon as the surrounding atmosphere was quiet, her spirit became suddenly aware of its own foolish chatter and it ceased making noise. She thanked me for drawing her out of herself and back into the world again.

The truth of the matter is that I am only able to do for others what has already been done for me. My Lord showed me when I was very young that the quickest way to escape the chaos, whether it be around or inside of me, was to change my direction, to listen to the creation around me, and through the avenue of nature to listen to my Maker’s heartbeat and align my own with that of the Divine. I pray that you will be blessed by relationships with people who know when to bring you into the realm of peace and stillness. You will be tremendously blessed when you enter the silence that draws you into the Light of Love and Peace. May the Lord grant you rich times of fulfillment and the joy of discovering yourself in the awesome heartbeat of our Loving Creator! Let it be through the power of the Holy Spirit, through Jesus’ name to the glory of our Great and Glorious God, amen.