Tears, Fears & Pondering the big "D"

4 a.m. -- Woke up from a nightmare about my parents' death.  Tears are flowing freely...

My dream brings a number of questions to light. Like, who do you call, exactly, when your parents both have DNR wishes? Do you still call 9-1-1 and have them send the police and a coroner? Which pastor do I call? (Mine or theirs? Both?) What about their pets? Who do I call to take care of them? How do I manage the situation if I have the kiddos I nanny with me? (We all go visit them a couple times a week.) How do I contact my family members? How do you share something like that over the phone?

Who am I in this situation? Daughter? Chaplain? Will my family look to me for spiritual guidance? Will my pastoral presence matter to them? Will I be so overwhelmed with grief that I can be of no help to them? Will they resent me for that later?

I guess we all have to deal with questions like these sooner or later. Now is simply my time. I'm mentally preparing and processing in the dark of the night. Fear, I realize, has very little to do with the reality that they might pass from this life to the next at any point. The part of the dream that made it nightmarish was my anxiety about the "what next" or "what now" questions swirling about. I post because I figure that gaining some insight will help to calm those fears. Then I will feel more prepared when the time comes...

Photo by Trista Wynne

Beloved, 
You gave us the gift of dreaming to help us process the world around us.  You often speak through visions and dreams to grant us strength, courage, wisdom and peace.  I pray that You will be fully present in my coming dreams, and that You will use these darker ones to draw me, and those around me, closer to You.

Please be especially close to our parents who are all closer to their New Life in You than they are to the birth of this present life.  Help them to sense Your presence and Your peace.  May they see the wings of healing rising like the morning sun.  May they be confident of the promises: that in You, there will be no more pain, no more sorrow, no more fear and no more tumult.

Beloved, You promise a day when all wars will cease.  And in that Day, all creatures, even to the farthest ends of creation, will know the healing power of Your Love.  Until that Day, it seems to me that the closest we come to the True Peace and True Life is when we die.  I will miss our parents terribly when they pass from this life to the next.  But I am confident of this -- that I will see them again when we all are drawn together in You.