Saying Farewell

It is with deep sadness that I share this photo of our sweet Camille (the beautiful black cat with brown undertones) playing outside.  She, in this picture, was pouncing on a leaf that had just fallen from the trees behind our apartment.  She has been enthralled with the outdoors this year as she has spent the majority of her life as an indoor-exclusive cat.  We were happy to finally have found a place where the cats could come outside with us in the evening hours after work.

This morning when we woke up, we found Camille lying on the floor having trouble breathing. She was having a heart attack, as we found out from our vet a short time later. Camille took her last breath at 9:10 this morning. She died in my arms being showered with love. We brought her home to say our farewells and let Spokes smell her and say goodbye to her younger sister.

Through tears, I painted the kitty coffin our vet had given us. Camille was wrapped in a snugly blanket, hugged and kissed. We placed her favorite toy - our feather duster - in the little coffin with her. Then we buried her in the nature area behind our apartment. She spent countless hours observing the birds and ducks playing there from her window perch. Now she will rest with her nature friends.

Camille has been our baby for most of our married life. Next month would have marked her tenth birthday. She will be missed terribly.

Beloved kitten, may light perpetual shine upon you. May you be found pouncing in green pastures and climbing tall trees without fear. May our Beloved Creator stroke your soft fur and hold you close until we meet again. 

Tears, Fears & Pondering the big "D"

4 a.m. -- Woke up from a nightmare about my parents' death.  Tears are flowing freely...

My dream brings a number of questions to light. Like, who do you call, exactly, when your parents both have DNR wishes? Do you still call 9-1-1 and have them send the police and a coroner? Which pastor do I call? (Mine or theirs? Both?) What about their pets? Who do I call to take care of them? How do I manage the situation if I have the kiddos I nanny with me? (We all go visit them a couple times a week.) How do I contact my family members? How do you share something like that over the phone?

Who am I in this situation? Daughter? Chaplain? Will my family look to me for spiritual guidance? Will my pastoral presence matter to them? Will I be so overwhelmed with grief that I can be of no help to them? Will they resent me for that later?

I guess we all have to deal with questions like these sooner or later. Now is simply my time. I'm mentally preparing and processing in the dark of the night. Fear, I realize, has very little to do with the reality that they might pass from this life to the next at any point. The part of the dream that made it nightmarish was my anxiety about the "what next" or "what now" questions swirling about. I post because I figure that gaining some insight will help to calm those fears. Then I will feel more prepared when the time comes...

Praise for Rest

Beloved ~

Thank You for this wonderful weekend filled with music-making, fellowship, rest, photography and peace.  Thank You for time with my family, time with my husband, time to myself, time with other musicians, time with other theologians, time with spiritual guides, time with our snugly kitties and time with You.  I am deeply grateful for this time.

I loved watching the kitties dart about in the chilly sunshine outside on our patio, and soaking in the sunny windowsill above the heater afterwards to warm up.  I loved playing silly games with my husband for several hours last night while we reclined together on the couch.  I loved meandering though the Chinese Garden in Portland earlier today and taking pictures with my husband along the way.

I loved having time to sit and rock in mom's rocking chair, reclining by my daddy's side and sharing funny memories together while they had their milkshakes and we had our burgers.  I loved sharing our gifts of music on Saturday and Sunday mornings to help Your peoples to worship You.  I love having people with whom to make music and share stories and consider Your works and words and love.

This four-day weekend was truly a blessing!  And Your sun shone through almost all of it.  For Your light I am incredibly grateful.  For this time, I am thankful.  For the people in my life, I am deeply thankful.  For the time I had with You on a long walk yesterday, I am very thankful.  For my degree which arrived in the mail this weekend, I am thankful.

I am simply thankful.

The Calling of Your Light

Beloved ~

The sun is shining brightly today, something it hasn't done in months.  Week after week, the dark clouds have hovered, threatening rain, reflecting the heaviness and teariness within me.  Today, though the clouds have parted; gentle breezes have carried them away, perhaps to some weary land desperately in need of moisture and shade.

Although the clouds have parted, my weariness remains...

Photo by Trista Wynne

A branch blocks the light, keeping our bedroom from being filled with the sunshine.  I'm tempted to run outside with a hacksaw or to break it off by hand.

My soul needs the light.  My eyes need the light.  My body, my heart, my mind need Your Light.

The light remains outside.  The sunshine's rays are filtered by the tree branches, only partially reaching my eyes.  And yet, even in this half-light, I am being comforted.  I find a smile beginning to tug at the corners of my mouth and my lungs filling a little deeper with Your Spirit.

Lightening my Spirit

This evening, Beloved, I spoke with a very dear friend about life, death, cycles of rebirth, dementia, Alzheimer's, cancer, suicide, depression, care-taking and the like.  I shall contemplate the details of our conversation for quite some time...

For now, I want to note how much taller and broader and lighter I feel.  The tentacles of the dark shadow that has been looming for several months seem to be receding.  I almost felt as though I were growing wings while speaking to my dear sister in Christ.  She certainly lifted my burden of sorrow.

It seems that few people are able to discuss death and loss as realities of life.  Either they become disconnected and talk simply about the facts, which removes them from the situation emotionally, or they become so involved as to become a further hindrance to my grief process.  Few have been able to listen deeply, to be vulnerable with their own experiences and still refrain from "stealing the show" or comparing their grief to mine in a way that turns the conversation towards them.

It is hard to find compassionate, pastoral listeners.  But You brought me to three this week.  One in particular remained with me long into the night.  She is the reason I am writing.

I am blessed beyond words by our conversation and time together.  I am very grateful that You have brought us together for these days following Christmas.  Like the tiny snail here, I feel a bit like I have been brought to a safe haven.

Photo by Trista Wynne

I am surrounded by people who know me intimately.  They are providing me with emotional and spiritual shelter in the midst of the storm of grief.  Thank You, Beloved, for giving me a bit of new life and for lightening my spirit during this time of communion with Your peoples.  Amen.

In the Midst of the Wailing in Ramah

Today, at the church we are attending, the annual children's pageant took the place of the sermon.  I'm sure it's been planned for months to have the children lead the Sunday where we light a candle for Joy, but the timing, in light of the recent tragedies both here in Portland and in Connecticut, was uncanny.  The children were the only ones who could bring joy to the service today...

I will confess that the children's voices were not all perfectly on pitch.  Some of the angels lost their halos or had their wings turned sideways or upside down.  One of the kings nearly lost their treasure as they fumbled with the long robes on the steps.  And yet, it was all perfect.

As the young child playing Mary cradled the Jesus doll in her arms, and the older child playing Joseph helped her lay the doll in the manger, my mind was taken back to the story of old. While shepherds and astrologers and angels rubbed elbows and tried to stay balanced near the altar, an older elementary child held up a gigantic star high for the congregation to see.  And I was very moved.

Photo taken at Murrayhills Christian Church
16 December 2012

Tears stung my eyes as the children sang "Joy to the World" as only they can.  And then their time in the front was done.  They took their seats to the sound of a collective deep breath.  We had all been moved, for the Spirit of God was present.

A recent seminary graduate proclaimed the Lord's presence and invited us to the Great Table where all are welcome.  We shared a lengthy time of silence, and I wondered how many people were thinking about the time of Jesus' birth and the darker side of the wise men narrative...

A Note of Gratitude

Beloved,

I want to express my gratitude for Your Presence this weekend.  As I traveled north for a couple of days, You used the time to clear the air.  You filled my lungs with the Breath of Your Spirit and wrapped Your arms about me through the embraces from my brothers and sisters in Christ.

I am incredibly thankful for this breath of fresh air and the peace You gave me during this time.  I am filled with joy in the presence of my brother and sisters who have prayed with me for many years.  Snuggling on the couch, mulling over the life questions, wondering together what You are in the midst of doing in our lives, and allowing the questions to linger -- without simple platitudes or easy answers, without context-less Scripture passages and promises that have no backing -- simply listening together to Your silence.  That is exactly what I needed.

I am thankful.

For the music and the prayers and the welcome of my St Thomas family, for the love and the joy and the smiles, for the way You met me in the bread and the wine and the arms of my brothers and sisters, I am very thankful.  I wept with joy at the Eucharist table.  My spirit danced in the midst of the crowd.  I could have sprouted wings and flown to the rooftops in the breaking of bread and pouring forth of the wine.

Thank You for meeting me there.

Thank You for bringing me home.

Thank You.

Thank You.

Thank You.

Born to be a Healer

Psalm 139:13
Photo by friend Justin Foltz
Used with permission.

One of my dear friends and prayer partners who is working as a Bible translator in Asia mailed a special book to me for the holidays.  I just received it yesterday.  The book is entitled Whispers of His Word: Encountering Jesus.  It is a journal with brief verses and writing prompts to focus us in on the heart of God.

Last night I read the introduction and turned to the first entry page.  There I found Psalm 139:13.

For You created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother's womb.

The prayer prompt begins by addressing our Lord as the creative, loving father who crafted us in our mother's womb and knew every fiber of our being before we even took our first breath beginning a journey of self-discovery that lasts throughout our lives.  Daddy, Papa, Abba, You made me so wonderful.  Why?

The lines in the journal remained blank as I simply breathed deeply and asked the Holy Spirit to come and touch me:   

Come, Sophia, Creative Energy, Dancing Child.  
Come, draw near and whisper in my ear.  
Come, draw close, and fill me with Your presence.  
Come, and let me draw near to You.

For the Unnamed Infant

I haven't updated my prayer blog in a whole month.  I have entries written down, but not yet electronically recorded.  This morning's post is flowing spontaneously into the computer, and I ask you to join me in prayer.

One of my dear friends is serving as a missionary in an Asian province and we have received a special request to pray for a premature infant who has captured the hearts of those with whom this friend works.  The infant is, as of yet, unnamed.  The infant mortality rate is so high in this area that most infants are not named until it is evident that they will survive.  It was not all that long ago, historically speaking, that people in our country also refrained from naming their children until they had survived for several months or even the first year or two.  Living in a state of uncertainty and refraining from attachment to a child as a means of self-preservation must be devastating.  One can imagine that despair is the average feeling in such a time and place.

A New Creation: Life, Death & Resurrection for All

Beloved,

These last few days have been filled to the brim with contemplations regarding life, death and the communion of saints.  Such contemplations and percolations have been generated by a great many things even over the last few years, to be sure.  Particularly poignant have been the experiences of loss of loved ones, the study of the Scriptures and church history, the immersion into zombie culture that my husband and I have entered in Seattle, and observations we have of the world and society around us. 

There is much confusion in our culture about what constitutes life and what death truly is.  Your word has much to add to this discussion.  I pray, Dear One, that the hope found in Your promises will be preached, and that new life will be openly received here in this place.

Joining together of Old and New: Praying for Healing and Unity of the Generations in the Church of Christ

"Strong Roots" - Photo by Trista Wynne

Beloved,

My heart is downcast within me.  I miss my time with my grandma, and I long for encouraging interactions with the elder generations around me.  You graciously have provided me with several neighbors with whom I am interacting on a regular basis who are in the generation before me, and we learn so much from one another.  I do, however, long for the wisdom and encouragement that came from my grandma.  With her I felt safe and accepted for who I was.  I was never afraid to admit a wrongdoing or a mistake, for we could often laugh together about something similar she had done when she was my age.  She had many stories to tell me that brought history to life.  I always learned something new when we were together.  She deeply valued our relationship as well. 

My stories and adventures brought her great joy and she was always delighted to hear about the new things that I tried.  We even had many adventures where we tried new things together.  New recipes and outdoor exploring sites came forth out of our mutual desire to learn and to grow.  She saw You in me, and she listened attentively as I explored the truths that Your Spirit was speaking.  We prayed together often, and she opened up Scriptures to me in exciting, tangible ways through her life stories.  We were respected, valued and loved.  Perhaps this is why, even though we didn’t see one another every week, when we were together, it was as though we had never parted.  I look forward to the time when we will be reunited together in Your Holy Kingdom, when all things are made new in the fullness of time.

"New Breath" - Photo by Trista Wynne

My heart is downcast, though, because relationships like this are hard to come by in Your Church today.  The elder members neglect to encourage the younger generations and neither group respects the other.  I see the need for something new for Your Church to enter into the future, but know that You have not equipped me for building or sustaining; You have created me as a visionary, a dreamer, a creative spirit whose exuberance and delight in You might inspire others to bring forth this new thing that is percolating on the edges of the present day.  And so, dear Lord, I invite others to join me in the following prayer so that we might enter into this glorious future well-equipped for the mission work that You have given Your peoples to accomplish.  We pray for unity and healing so that the world may know that You are Love!

We pray, dear Lord, that you might bring the generations throughout your Church together so that the younger generations might receive encouragement and mentoring, and the older generations might feel appreciated and valued.  We pray for healing of the wounds which each party has inflicted upon the other.  Wherever we have contributed to these wounds, we pray for grace and forgiveness.  Grant us the wisdom and the courage to join together, to share our stories and to listen prayerfully to one another so that together we can enter into the blessed future that You are preparing for your worldwide Church.  We pray for denominational and generational borders to gently fade so that a new, vibrant, united Church might be seen and that, as Your Beloved Son prayed, we might be known by our love of one another. 

"Beauty in New Life" - Photo by Trista Wynne

May You, O Lord, raise up from among us prophets and visionaries, builders and activists, and developers of sustainability.  May we work together so that future generations will look back upon our time and see Your Sophia-Spirit moving through what we pray, say and do together.  May it all be for our Beloved's glory in Christ Jesus.

Empowered by the Holy Spirit, we pray this in the name of Jesus the Christ, and we desire Your glory above our own.  Amen.

Preparing for New Life: Creation in Utero at Passover

Beloved,

As I read Matthew’s account of the gathering for Your final Passover meal, my dear friend is on her way to the hospital to deliver her youngest child.  My time is near.  Make the preparations.  Your words are echoed on the lips and in the keystrokes of my dear friend, the sweet mother, during the final days of her pregnancy.

A man with a water jar will meet you…tell him My time is near.  Your words flow forth just after a woman has poured out her entire life savings onto Your feet.  An alabaster jar of sweetly perfumed oil drenched Your tired feet and soothed Your aching muscles, and this dear woman freely gave her complete devotion through her kisses and tears.  She is preparing long before Your male companions, and You invite them to join in her work so that You can accomplish all that You have been given to do.

"New Life Springing Forth" - Photo by Trista Wynne

Washing, anointing, feeding, serving – these are the things that my dear friend has been doing in preparation for the new life that is coming into the world.  And now, having just spoken of Yourself as a desolate Mother Hen who laments the scattering of her chicks, You are doing the same.  As the ultimate expression of humanity, You embody masculine and feminine together unashamedly.  You, Divine Mother Jesus, are preparing for the new life that is coming.  The birthing process will be painful, and You will suffer greatly, but as You say, when the mother’s eyes behold her child, she forgets all of the pain.  She only feels love and joy.

May Your new creation come to know how very much we are all loved, O Mothering God!   May we know how much joy we bring to You!  May we all come to You for True Food and True Drink, and may we teach others to do the same, through the Holy Spirit, amen.

The Kingdom, Clay & Embryos in the Womb: Reflecting on Change & Shaping of the Future

Beloved,

Transitions are difficult and hard on the heart even when we know the decisions are right. With Frankincense shifting to an “unplugged” version of meeting with lower frequency, the majority of our Sunday evenings will open up but it means we must say farewell to the way things have been. Maybe this will enable me to do the missiological work which You have been fairly clearly prompting me to do since You have been developing in me a heart for the un-churched. Maybe You have something completely different in store for us all than we had envisioned for ourselves. Maybe this is true for more than simply the place in which we worship; maybe it is true of our lives as well.

In a sermon given last week by our dear friend and pastor in Beaverton, the image of being a lump of clay was lifted up as one of the most difficult yet necessary ways in which we as human beings are referenced in the Bible. We, as he said, have a hard time accepting this reality, for we are indoctrinated by our culture to believe that we do (or should) control our own movements and shaping. Simply laying in Your hands and allowing You to mold us into something new is counter-intuitive to us once we emerge from the womb.

"In the Potter's Hands" - Photo by Trista Wynne

No wonder You said we must be born anew to enter the Kingdom! And no wonder Lady Julian saw all of creation as encompassed in Your Divine womb! We must return to a place of complete connection with You so that we can be birthed into a new life of trust, freedom and abundance. As long as we are trying to shape ourselves, we are not relying on You, and so we are not able to reach our full potential because only You know what fullness of life really means.

I know, Beloved, many who read the rest of this prayer will have difficulty joining me in this exercise of trust since the earthquakes in Japan and the Tsunamis that followed are still so fresh in our minds. News of wars, famines and pestilence floods our minds when we turn on our electronics, and we find ourselves battling depression, anxiety and all sorts of disharmony. But in a world of tension and fear, where chaos and disturbance threaten the shalom You so deeply desire, I feel You calling me, and calling the world, to seek comfort in You. Although there are forces acting in opposition to Your desires for peace, health and wholeness, whenever Your messengers of truth come into the world, their greeting is always “fear not”. May we all learn to live in fullness of trust that in the end You will make everything right.

And so, dear Potter, desiring to trust You more and desiring to enter the fullness of the Kingdom while becoming more fully present here on the earth, I simply lay down my expectations of myself, of my future, of my relationships, of my worshipping community, and of the world around me. May I, and all that I carry, be as clay in Your hands or as an embryo in Your uterus. Let it all take shape as You so desire. Through the Holy Spirit, in Jesus’ name I pray, amen.

A Bit of Sunshine: Beholding the Light Pouring in through the Window

Ah, sunshine! As you pour into our windows, filling these rooms with light, all of the creatures in our household are drawn to you. The ladybugs in the windowsill come out of their hiding, breaking forth with joy and zipping around our apartment. Our kitties stretch and yawn, leaping from the softness of their beds to find comfort in the warmth of your rays, and the geranium leaves spread wide, pulling the stalk closer to where you are.

"Basking in the Light" - Photo by Trista Wynne

Dear Beloved, as I consider Your precious gift of sunshine, I ponder the gift which You call us to be: the light of the world – vivid reflections of Your own Light and Life. When we are putting all of our energy into the work of Your Kingdom and reflecting Your incarnational ministry through our thoughts, words and actions, I wonder if the rest of the world will stop and take notice, like my household takes note of the sunshine today. Will people be drawn toward Your light in our lives as our kitties are to the sunlight?

The business-like model and measurement of “effectiveness” used in many churches suggests so. But sometimes, Beloved, I wonder if, rather than serving and loving you, this way of performance-focused ministry is really serving a false manifestation of You. Maybe it’s idolatrous… I wonder, Beloved, because when I read the gospels, I see a lot of rejection of the True Light of Your Kingdom. What makes me think that my ministry will, or should, be any different?

I also think, though, that for a time, You did have many who followed and sought after You: the weak, the poor the unclean, the infirm, the despised, the widows, the orphans, the foreigners – all of these were drawn to You. Even a few of the feared soldiers, scorned tax collectors and powerful rulers sought Your counsel. Still, all of them, even Your closest friends, fled, or even worse, betrayed You into the hands of wickedness.

Oh, Beloved, thank You that the story does not end there! Much is yet to be revealed regarding the Light, Your Light, which shines from everlasting to everlasting. We, dear Lord, only have a small window through which to see. Thank You for guiding and encouraging us when our view is limited. Thank You for still choosing to shine through Your world-wide church, even when some sections appear to neglect reflecting You outward from their midst. Thank You for giving even simple servants, like me, a bit of Your light, and for showing us, though Your Spirit of Wisdom and Grace, how to shine.

May the light You have given, and the tasks You have prepared for us to accomplish, bring glory for Your holy name, O Lord, my King. And for the people whom You have given to us in order that we might love them as You love us: may they experience joy, warmth and peace in our presence just as our kitties receive these things through the light of Your sunshine. Amen.

Rest & Reconnection: Thanksgiving & Hope for Peace

Good afternoon, Beloved ~

The sunshine You are providing today is marvelous! Thank You for this glorious gift of grace and joy! Thank You for this day on which to rest and reflect on You!

Thank You for the gift of my husband. When I rest in the crook of his strong, gentle arms and listen to his heartbeat while my head lays on his chest, I find reflection of Your love. Thank You, Beloved, for speaking to me in this way. I pray that I, too, might become a tangible reflection of Your love here for many. May the words that I write, speak and sing, and the actions of my head, heart, hands and feet produce an abundance of fruit for Your Garden on the earth.

Thank You for this day of rest and reconnection!

"Reconnection" - Photo by Trista Wynne

For my friends, my sisters and brothers of many backgrounds who have trouble feeling close to You, O Beloved, surround them with compassion and grace! Raise up many to love on Your behalf. For those who feel ashamed or alone, O Lord, restore; reveal Yourself and let Your face shine through us who are called by Your name. O Christ, grant Your seekers the compassion to love in Your way; expand out hearts, minds and hands so we can reflect You to the ends of the earth. O Spirit of Life, grant wisdom and courage to the leaders of all the nations; infuse each one with the desire for peace and reconciliation so all peoples can enter Your Presence.

May all enemies be reconciled and striving cease to the ends of the earth! May all peoples be drawn to You and Love be known by all! May we unite and work together to reveal Your Kingdom through Your Holy Spirit, in Jesus’ name, amen.

Your Steadfast Love Endures Forever: A Prayer of Confession & Remembrance

"A Love Note" - Photo by Trista Wynne

As I study the tenants of Islam this week, and continue my examination of ethics and reflection on Your Word, dear Lord, I am reminded of how great Your endless, steadfast love is towards all peoples, and I am so very grateful that because of Jesus, I, and all peoples, can call You Papa!

Thank You for my nephew's safe return home! Thank You for all of Your traveling mercies and protection, love and provision and all that You have been doing about which we have no idea. Thank You for Your hands of grace all over our lives and for the Presence of Your Spirit. Thank You, Lord, for shaping our lives in ways that we wouldn't ever have had the capacity to imagine. I trust that the closing doors around me are guiding me closer to a path that is for Your glory. Thank You for the encouragement that this trust brings, and for the gift of Your Spirit who enables us to trust You.

Thank You for Your faithfulness to our relationship; even when I falter or turn away, still You call to me. You are indeed the One who calls me “beloved” even though You are Lover of all. You are as committed to the murderer as to the mystic, as compassionate to the oppressor as to the oppressed, as passionate for the drug dealer as for the devout. Your ways are far above me, Lord, Your steadfast, all-encompassing love is beyond compare! Surely there is none like You, o Lord, Beloved who created all things! You are the God Most High & Holy who also chose to enter into the world encompassed in flesh, infusing every fiber of that human body with Your presence. Through the actions of being born, living, walking, teaching, healing, working, touching, dying, being buried and rising up again on the third day, and then appearing to many people before returning to Your throne above all which You had made, You, o Lord, have given the greatest revelation of Yourself as the Great Lover. You promised to send another part of Yourself, Your very Breath, the Spirit of Life, Wisdom and Truth who has come to dwell within Your many peoples, continuing the work of drawing all of creation back into relationship with You, even to this very day. You are the Most Devoted of all lovers, Beloved! How marvelous You are in all of Your works!

Oh how we love to speak of love; how often we speak of romance! But far beyond all human endeavors, Your passion surpasses us all! Of, if we only would all be filled to the point of overflowing with Your steadfast love, Beloved! Such peace and self-less giving would be found throughout the world! I long for healing and harmony for all living things and for all of creation and humanity to be restored. Until that day, I will hope in You, Beloved, and I will teach others to do the same, in Jesus’ name, through the Holy Spirit, amen.

Ah Beloved: A Valentine’s Poem



Photo by Matt Wynne

Ah, Beloved,

how precious You are!

How valuable is Your Word of Love!

More to be desired than gold,

more so even than fine diamonds,

Your presence is all that I need.

Hold fast, Beloved,

how mighty You are!

How strong is Your steadfast embrace!

More to be desired than influence,

more so even than the power of kings,
Your heartbeat is all that I need.

O Sweet Beloved,
how gentle You are!
How tender is Your mercy for all!
More to be desired than satin,
more so even than fine silks,
Your hessed is all that I need.

Welcome Home: On the Communion of Saints Past and Present

“Welcome home!” This was the greeting I received from one of the beloved elder women at St Thomas’ Episcopal this morning as we gathered for the mid-week Eucharist. I was deeply moved in my spirit by the heart-felt greeting and warm embrace of the wonderful woman in red. “Where have you been?!” she exclaimed, “we’ve missed you!”

What a greeting that was! Having been absent for two weeks on account of a disabled vehicle, I was quickly swept into open arms after open arms and greeted with prayers and blessings for peace. Part of that is incorporated into the service in the passing of the peace, but the emotion behind these greetings was far more than I had anticipated, and I was overwhelmed by the hospitality of this simple community gathering. One might have thought that I had been out of their midst for several months.

Oh Lord, what a blessing these people are to me! What a compassionate, prayerful, loving community you have placed nearby! How open and inclusive they are!

Ah, Beloved, they reflect Your light into the world and they bring out the God-flavors in me. O Sophia-Spirit, thank You for breathing into them. Through this mid-week Eucharist gathering, I am reminded of Your love.

"Papa's Love" - Photo by Trista Wynne

Thank You, Papa, also for my dear professor at Fuller, who that same evening, paused from his work to listen to my concerns regarding direction and call, and who approached Your throne of grace together with me. Bless this wonderful, dedicated, compassionate being with even more wisdom, grace and compassion than this one already has, and help them to accomplish all of the tasks they have before them. May they be filled with assurance and peace as the term continues to rush forward.

Thank You, Lord. Thank You for the joyful smiles and laughter and snuggles of the little child I was able to be with, who joined You in the realm of eternity six years ago today. All of us who are left surely do miss him, and wish we could see him growing up, but for whatever reason, this will not happen here on the earth…

I think of the welcome that I received from the blessed woman this morning, and the grace, peace and compassion extended to me by my professor this evening, and I know that You have been working through them all. If I can feel Your presence so strongly through others here, I wonder how awesome it must have been for that dear child to come into the fullness of Your presence. “Welcome home!” that dear one must have heard, “we’ve missed you!” What warmth and grace and love must emanate from You for that little one!

If we who remain here have such strong feelings of love and longing, how much greater must Your desires be for those who do not allow You to embrace them! Oh Lord, You must be so anguished by so many people. I pray deeply for their restoration into Your presence so they might feel Your love! I know that You reveal Yourself in many ways to many different people groups in a variety of cultures, and I know that You uniquely revealed Your relationship to us as Papa-God through Your Beloved Christ, and that Your Sophia-Spirit is dancing among us even now to make this revelation clear. There are many, even in the churches that bear Your name, who do not understand what this relationship means for us, nor for the world around us. Oh, Beloved, let us hear Your heartbeat tonight. Let us climb up and snuggle You, and allow ourselves to be snuggled! Help us all to rest well in Jesus’ name, amen.

On a Hardening Heart: Pondering a Change of Direction

Dear Lord,

My heart is growing more rigid today. Is this of You, in preparation for separation or transition, or do I need to address something? If I am growing more rigid in a way that is not of You, I pray for a softening of heart and new visioning for the future.

I release all that I am and all that I have and all that I am doing into your care, admitting once more that it was never really mine to begin with. Only let me live to Your glory.

Ah, Lord, is this where You want me to be? Does it allow me to be doing what You would want me to be doing? What have I chosen a paper on a topic that would cause me such grief?!

I think that it’s because I know that it breaks Your heart like it breaks mine. And You, as the Beloved of all people who calls even simple folk like me in the darkest parts of the night to come hear Your heartbeat, You speak to my heart concerning the depth of Your passions, and I often cry Your tears.

Your peoples are crying for justice; O Lord, I hear them! Your peoples are crying for mercy; O Lord, I join in their plea! Your peoples are crying for Your Kingdom; O Lord, let Your Kingdom shine!

Papa, our Papa-God,
who hears our cries in heaven,
may Your Kingdom come
     be evident here and now
     and everywhere throughout the earth!

May Your name,
which is above all names
     be praised forever more!

*****

Ah, Lord, You bring me to the Lamentations of Jeremiah, and I have prayed them all as my prayer this evening on behalf of all who suffer and groan. In the midst of the suffering, several verses stand out as words of trust and hope, and I pray that I might be able to speak these words with truth and conviction. Your steadfast love endures, O Lord, and in the midst of everything, even during severe reprimand, this much remains true throughout eternity.

Teach me, Lord, and all of those who are called to minister in Your name, whatever You would like to teach us through these words of lament and hope. My spirit continues to lift this prayer and to be in dialogue with You, even as I prepare to enter my slumber. I do want to be Your servant, for You are a loving, compassionate and just Master, my Love!

On the Presence of God in Community: A Prayer after Conversation

"Simple Offering" - Photo by Matthew Wynne

Thank You, Lord, for blessing others through my simple act of baking this afternoon. Thank You for honoring my work even when I felt lethargic this morning. Thank You for soft, sweet kitties and warm snuggles and friends to talk to. Thank You for quiet time this evening to be with You.

Thank You that I can honestly come to You in all of my emotions, with all of the concerns, frustrations, excitements, confusions, disappointments, fears, delights, sadness, joys, anxieties, tumults, loves, passions, laments and praises. Thank You for hearing our concerns for our families this evening. Thank You for acting even before we could know what You are up to in all of the situations we have seen, heard, discussed, lamented and rejoiced about in Your presence.

We leave these things in Your care, for You are fully capable of handling each one. We also desire to be active participants in Your Kingdom, Lord, so if You would like us to interact with one another or have a particular role in any of the concerns brought before You today, please help us to discern the next concrete steps to take. And if we are to simply wait and watch You work, please grant peace and encouragement. Let Your Sophia-Spirit flow like rivers, bringing justice, mercy and steadfast love in all things, and may we, like Jesus, pursue the things which make for peace and bring You glory.

Good night, Papa; let us sleep in Your peace. Amen.