Longing for Peace & Acknowlegding the War within

As we dive deeper and deeper into the reality surrounding the atrocities in Syria, I am reminded, Beloved of the sermon You prepared in my heart to share earlier this summer.  While I do not know the best ways for our country to work with the people of Syria and the leaders there who are so very destructive, I trust that You do.

While we yearn for a world in which wars, violence and oppression do not exist, we must come face-to-face with the reflection we encounter each day when we look in the mirror.  If we look deep enough, we will find that no matter how we try to portray ourselves, we all have the tendencies towards violence, bloodshed, anger and tyranny.

Oh, Beloved, have mercy.  And help us to go and do likewise.  As you said from the cross, we just have no clue what we are doing...




This sermon, "Swords into Gardening Tools: Violence, Peace & True Victory", was delivered to the people of Murray Hills Christian Church on Sunday, July 7th, 2013.  Asking the question, "what are we celebrating?" as I reflected on Independence Day, I found the Beloved leading me to the following text.

Micah 4:1-4 

In days to come

the mountain of the Lord’s house
shall be established as the highest of the mountains,
    and shall be raised up above the hills.
Peoples shall stream to it,
2     and many nations shall come and say:
“Come, let us go up to the mountain of the Lord,
    to the house of the God of Jacob;
that he may teach us his ways
    and that we may walk in his paths.”
For out of Zion shall go forth instruction,
    and the word of the Lord from Jerusalem.
3 He shall judge between many peoples,
    and shall arbitrate between strong nations far away;
they shall beat their swords into plowshares,
    and their spears into pruning hooks;
nation shall not lift up sword against nation,
    neither shall they learn war any more;
4 but they shall all sit under their own vines and under their own fig trees,
    and no one shall make them afraid;
    for the mouth of the Lord of hosts has spoken.

Although war with Syria may happen, and wars and oppression will likely continue around the world, we have a promise from the prophets of old that there will be a day when all wars, all violence, all oppression and all fear will come to an end.  Our propensity towards violence, within ourselves and in the ways we interact with the world, will all be healed.  All people, everywhere, will be at peace and dwell in true Shalom.  May we do all that we can to live into this reality in our homes, our schools, our churches and our larger communities until that final day comes when we forget the devastation of war.  Amen.

Lamentations, Lazarus and Life

On this, the fourth day without our precious Camille-cat, my thoughts turn to Lazarus.

He's four-day-ish.  Voices from the past echo through the centuries.  He's begun to decay; the smell will be terrible.  He's without the hope of life again.  He is completely untouchable.  He is truly dead.

Deep grief overwhelms me as I see in my mind's eye the dear woman, a beloved disciple of Jesus, collapsing into a heap on the roadside.  Jesus has just returned from ministry in another town.  He has been healing the sick, feeding the hungry, returning the lost to their families, and in the midst of his ministry elsewhere, his beloved second family has been overcome with the grief of death.

Lord, if you had been here, my beloved family member, whom you yourself loved, would not have died!  The words of Lazarus' sister resonate deeply in my heart today.  Why were you so far away?!

My tears of lament this morning mirror my soul-sister's from so long ago.  Enough to cloud my vision, but not yet enough to leave the dry salt stains on my cheeks, my tears instead turn to aches and pains.  My muscles and joints feel weak this morning as I sit on the back patio watching our elder cat exploring the world without her little sister.  My heart and stomach feel heavy today.

Lord, if only...
Lord, if only...
Oh, Lord...

When we are weak and do not know to pray,

the Spirit steps in and articulates prayers for us

with groaning too profound for words.

(Rom. 8:26)

Searching for My Reflection in Your Eyes

Earlier today I spent a good deal of time with dear friends from college.  Our conversations were incredibly fruitful!  Among other very important things, we wondered together about the origins of my numerous food sensitivities.

My soul-sister wonders how many of my food issues may be a way of my body punishing itself for not living up to certain expectations, (both perceived and real).  Although there have been a number of benefits to changing my diet (including increasing the amount of natural and whole foods in my system) there are enough foods that cause my body trauma for us to wonder if there is an emotional link.

How many of my recent ailments have something to do with shame or guilt?  I'm not yet sure how to identify and/or combat it if there is that link.  But it does inspire a prayer...

Beloved,

I have a great deal yet to learn about myself.  I have much to learn about (and much to experience of) Your love.  I desire to see You looking at me.  I want to watch Your eyes as I take of my clothing and let You look at me.  I want to feel the heat of passion and compassion as You draw near, as you caress and as You love me.

Photo by Trista Wynne

No one and nothing else can fill this desire.  It is for You alone.  You are my Beloved.

Yesterday, through conversations with another prayer-sister, You helped me to see how guilty or ashamed I feel for "not measuring up".  Right now I feel completely inadequate -- as a wife, as a daughter, as a lover, as a friend, as a minister, as a spiritual leader and as a nanny.  Overall, as a person, I feel that I have failed.

You alone can make me whole. I'm looking for my reflection in Your eyes.

I feel guilty for having been born into a society that oppresses and enslaves other nations to do our bidding.  I feel guilty for living when my food, electronics and clothing are grown or created with the spilled blood of my fellow human beings.  The problems, the sin, is societal.  I feel powerless to stop it...

You alone cane make the world whole.  Help us see our reflection in Your eyes.

Amen.

In the Midst of the Wailing in Ramah

Today, at the church we are attending, the annual children's pageant took the place of the sermon.  I'm sure it's been planned for months to have the children lead the Sunday where we light a candle for Joy, but the timing, in light of the recent tragedies both here in Portland and in Connecticut, was uncanny.  The children were the only ones who could bring joy to the service today...

I will confess that the children's voices were not all perfectly on pitch.  Some of the angels lost their halos or had their wings turned sideways or upside down.  One of the kings nearly lost their treasure as they fumbled with the long robes on the steps.  And yet, it was all perfect.

As the young child playing Mary cradled the Jesus doll in her arms, and the older child playing Joseph helped her lay the doll in the manger, my mind was taken back to the story of old. While shepherds and astrologers and angels rubbed elbows and tried to stay balanced near the altar, an older elementary child held up a gigantic star high for the congregation to see.  And I was very moved.

Photo taken at Murrayhills Christian Church
16 December 2012

Tears stung my eyes as the children sang "Joy to the World" as only they can.  And then their time in the front was done.  They took their seats to the sound of a collective deep breath.  We had all been moved, for the Spirit of God was present.

A recent seminary graduate proclaimed the Lord's presence and invited us to the Great Table where all are welcome.  We shared a lengthy time of silence, and I wondered how many people were thinking about the time of Jesus' birth and the darker side of the wise men narrative...

For the Victims of the Clackamas Town Center Shooting

Dear Lord, we pray for all who were at the Clackamas Town Center this afternoon. 

What a horrific situation! Having been married to a man who worked in malls for over eleven years, I am deeply grieved for the families and friends of the shooting victims. No one thinks when they go to work or make a quick trip to the store that it will be the last thing they do... 

We lit a candle for peace this week, Lord. We pray for mercy and peace.

Comfort the grieving. Hold the shocked close to Your heart. And show us, Lord, how we can help, and how we can prevent such tragedies in the future. 

Lord, have mercy! Christ, have mercy! Lord, have mercy!

In a Sea of Questions

Beloved,

Today my husband lost his job.

I haven't a clue what to say.

I am floundering in a sea of questions.  Tumbling in the dryer of life.  Flattened by the steamroller of sadness.

What will we do?

What will You do?

Dear Lord, have mercy...

Within our Darkest Night

Beloved,

I continue to experience the dark night of the soul.  Little has any draw or appeal.  I eat because my body makes me, not because it is at all desirable.  I move and get out of bed because I am needed.  But I have no oomph.  My spark, my fire, is flickering as though in a violent wind.

Can anyone help to lift the burden of despair this morning?  You, O Lord, know.  And what of the sea of emotion churning so rapidly within?  How can words begin to express them?  They are nonsensical. And so is the task of attempting to articulate them...

*sigh*

I wish I could feel Your Presence, Dear One.  Today I feel far from you.  I trust that You are near, but something is in the way of my hearing of your heartbeat.

Clear the air, Beloved.  Until I can see, hear, smell and feel You again I will wait.  I wait and watch for the light of the Dawn.

What Does it Mean to Trust You?

Beloved,

One of my dear friends recently shared how difficult it is to trust You, especially in times of transition.  This one does believe that things will work out and has experienced your faithfulness and provision on several occasions and yet still finds it difficult to trust.  This friend is not alone.  Countless others have conversed with me about the difficulty they have trusting You.  For many, it's easier to not believe that You exist at all than it is to examine what it means when we use the phrase, "God is good".

Like my friend and countless others, I, too, have difficulty trusting You.  It is hard to admit that at the end of my seminary studies I may be no closer to comprehension or faith or trust than I was at the beginning.

Something, however, has shifted.  This time of study, of fellowship, of exploration of Your Community -- it has shifted my perspective.  As of yet, I cannot articulate how.

Experiencing a Season of Pruning

This morning began with dark clouds, both inside and out, but the dishes got done, I ate and showered and prepared for the day anyway. At St Thomas Episcopal this morning, Father Lex spoke on Jesus' parable of the vine and branches. When he said that part of abiding in Jesus is embracing the pruning and letting go of the parts of our lives that are dying, my tears spilled over. 

Letting go when someone you love is on a timeline...dear God...it's not a pleasant road...fear, anxiety, grief, indigestion, deep sadness, anger, questions -- all follow me everywhere.  Yet, for a bit of time on this day that began so dark, though, the clouds lifted.

After Eucharist we pray for one another with the laying on of hands and anointing oil. Thank God for this precious service! Sun broke through, a little at a time, both inside and out. I'm thankful for these moments and even hours of light and love while I walk the road of shadows. I'm very thankful for this precious community of faith.

Sighing over the False Prophets

Bless the Lord, my soul,
and bless God's holy name.
Bless the Lord, my soul,
who leads me into life.

Beloved,
You do lead us into life.  You came so that we might have life and have it abundantly.  You have given us a Spirit of love that casts out fear.  You are our refuge in time of trouble and a fortress in whom we find shelter and steadfast love.

O Lord, You do not desire oppression.  Tyranny and coercion are detestable in Your sight.  When Your disciples fought among themselves about who ought to have more power and influence, you clearly stated that this power struggle has no place in Your Kingdom.   Why then, do we insist on stratifying ourselves and claiming that our caste system within the family of God has Your blessing?

A Cry for Justice, Mercy & Steadfast Love

God,
Why do You allow the torture, abuse, rape and disposal of Your children?!  Why are Your poor creatures going through the same without a voice?! What were You thinking when You put humans in charge?  We have ruined Your good creation while You keep Yourself at a distance remaining safe and untouched.

Where are You?!

Why don't You intervene?  Will You look upon the plight of the poor, the child, the victim, the animal and take notice of them?  Or will You ignore our cries for yet another generation?

Rouse Yourself!  Wake up!  Turn and see and hear!  Come to rescue us from one another!  Come and rescue us from ourselves!

Walking the Way

Oh Lord,

I can't sleep tonight.  I'm angry!  I'm angry that I can't find a place to land in the Church.  I'm angry that I'm feeling alone, and that so many people are arguing with one another over whose Church it really is.  The details are in my journal this evening, but there are areas in the churches around me that are making me hurt, and because I feel hurt I write in anger.  It's not directed at anyone but You, because You are the only one that can handle the depth of my emotions. 

*sigh*

Lord, please, give Your Church guidance, vision and inspiration.  We are so lost.  People around here don't know You because we in the Church are so focused on digging our heels into the ground and fighting one another.  We use manipulative techniques to try and deprive each other of power.  We don't recognize any denominations except our own.  We can't even seem to reconcile differences within our own congregations.

Oh Lord, have mercy!

Ah, Lord, I feel like my ministerial visioning is a bit like the weather in Seattle.  I get a glimpse of hope, sunshine and clarity, and then the rainclouds of reality come and separate me from the vision for a while.  The vision always comes back, and I know it's there in the distance, but there are days that are darker than others, and there are times when the clouds are simply very, very heavy.

Today is one of those days, Beloved.

I'm glad that You are with me today.  I'm glad that You walk me through the dark valley when I'm there, and that You allow me to wrestle with You when I'm angry with Your peoples.  Forgive me for the times that I take my anger out on them instead of You.  Help me to be more creative with my interactions, and to use my imagination to heal where woundedness is clearly evident.

Lord, help us to reconcile with one another.  Help Your peoples to aim for unity.  I know that we miss the mark; that's why You came, Lord Jesus.  With Your help, Beloved, we can improve our aim.  In time, our practice of faith will become healthier in Your hands.  One day we will be right on target, and walking the Way which You have given to us.

I hope that day comes soon.

Show me, Sophia-Spirit, what I can do to help the world draw closer to our Beloved.  I desire to work with You, not against You.  Help me to see through Your eyes.  Amen.

Church: Branches, Zombies, Fire & Life

Beloved,

My allegiance is to You above all.  I trust that You are in Your Church, no matter how divided it may seem.  I wish, Lord, that denominational (and non-denominational) branches would not exclude one another, but would have more interaction.  Each individual congregation strives for their own vision, their own purpose, and their own future.  Do they not realize that we are all one in You?

"Thirsty Tree" - Photo by Trista Wynne

This pointless striving against one another, whether overtly or in undercurrents, has sadly been our legacy from the beginning.

Joining together of Old and New: Praying for Healing and Unity of the Generations in the Church of Christ

"Strong Roots" - Photo by Trista Wynne

Beloved,

My heart is downcast within me.  I miss my time with my grandma, and I long for encouraging interactions with the elder generations around me.  You graciously have provided me with several neighbors with whom I am interacting on a regular basis who are in the generation before me, and we learn so much from one another.  I do, however, long for the wisdom and encouragement that came from my grandma.  With her I felt safe and accepted for who I was.  I was never afraid to admit a wrongdoing or a mistake, for we could often laugh together about something similar she had done when she was my age.  She had many stories to tell me that brought history to life.  I always learned something new when we were together.  She deeply valued our relationship as well. 

My stories and adventures brought her great joy and she was always delighted to hear about the new things that I tried.  We even had many adventures where we tried new things together.  New recipes and outdoor exploring sites came forth out of our mutual desire to learn and to grow.  She saw You in me, and she listened attentively as I explored the truths that Your Spirit was speaking.  We prayed together often, and she opened up Scriptures to me in exciting, tangible ways through her life stories.  We were respected, valued and loved.  Perhaps this is why, even though we didn’t see one another every week, when we were together, it was as though we had never parted.  I look forward to the time when we will be reunited together in Your Holy Kingdom, when all things are made new in the fullness of time.

"New Breath" - Photo by Trista Wynne

My heart is downcast, though, because relationships like this are hard to come by in Your Church today.  The elder members neglect to encourage the younger generations and neither group respects the other.  I see the need for something new for Your Church to enter into the future, but know that You have not equipped me for building or sustaining; You have created me as a visionary, a dreamer, a creative spirit whose exuberance and delight in You might inspire others to bring forth this new thing that is percolating on the edges of the present day.  And so, dear Lord, I invite others to join me in the following prayer so that we might enter into this glorious future well-equipped for the mission work that You have given Your peoples to accomplish.  We pray for unity and healing so that the world may know that You are Love!

We pray, dear Lord, that you might bring the generations throughout your Church together so that the younger generations might receive encouragement and mentoring, and the older generations might feel appreciated and valued.  We pray for healing of the wounds which each party has inflicted upon the other.  Wherever we have contributed to these wounds, we pray for grace and forgiveness.  Grant us the wisdom and the courage to join together, to share our stories and to listen prayerfully to one another so that together we can enter into the blessed future that You are preparing for your worldwide Church.  We pray for denominational and generational borders to gently fade so that a new, vibrant, united Church might be seen and that, as Your Beloved Son prayed, we might be known by our love of one another. 

"Beauty in New Life" - Photo by Trista Wynne

May You, O Lord, raise up from among us prophets and visionaries, builders and activists, and developers of sustainability.  May we work together so that future generations will look back upon our time and see Your Sophia-Spirit moving through what we pray, say and do together.  May it all be for our Beloved's glory in Christ Jesus.

Empowered by the Holy Spirit, we pray this in the name of Jesus the Christ, and we desire Your glory above our own.  Amen.

Battling the Beloved: How my Heart is won back when I Turn Away

Hello Beloved,

Much is on my mind, not for worries, but mostly for contemplation. At the forefront, though, is the sermon preached by our dear friend and pastor in Beaverton, where we found ourselves beginning Spring Break this weekend. The sermon on trust, the songs about being clay in Your hands, and their combined calling to release ourselves into Your arms for Your purposes – these are the images on my mind this evening.

Towards the beginning of the service, when the song entitled “The Potter’s Hand” was being sung, I found myself unable to join in the singing. This was odd since it is a favorite song of mine, but my spirit was heavy and I was grieved over the lack of connections and deep friendships in our lives since we followed Your call to move up here to the Seattle area. I didn’t feel particularly willing to become just anything or anyone at that moment in time. You know, Beloved, how I sometimes battle with You in spirit. Thankfully, Your Spirit is kind and compassionate, and gently worked throughout the rest of the service to remind me how much I am valued and loved even by that dear community which is several hours away from us.

"Softness of the Beloved" - Photo by Trista Wynne

The prayers of the people, the sermon, the strong embrace of our dearly loved minister of music, and lengthy hugs from the children (now teenagers) whom I used to nanny for – these all worked together to soften my heart. By the time we were invited to Your table, I was able to let go of the false pretense of control over my life. I simply acknowledge that in this part of the journey, my life and the life of my husband are truly in Your hands. I want to trust You; Lord, please help my lack of trust.

Empty or Full? – A Lament and Prayer for Corporations, Countries and Church

Ah, Lord, as I consider the large entities and the individuals who are being hurt or overlooked by them, I wonder about the state of the world… Why does the “healthcare” industry build more and more edifices to glorify themselves while the community clinic struggles? Why does the mega-church continue to grow while the small church, which cares for the community, suffers? Why does the corporation grow and the family shop fail? Dear Lord, why is it so?

The large entities have nothing of lasting value! They are impersonal, greedy, self-serving gluttons feeding on unsuspecting prey. The victims don’t even run and hide from the heartless beasts awaiting their souls! They wait in lines impatiently hurrying to be devoured whole!

They are like animals without sense! Or worse, they are zombies devouring one another on account of the infection of the corporations they serve! Who will wake them from their stupor? Who will save the next generation from their clawing grasp? Who will speak for You and free these zombies from their infection? Who will come and heal the poisoned land and clean the polluted water? Who will bring equity and break the shackles of greed and power? Who will restore shalom throughout the earth? How long, O Lord, must we wait for our salvation? How long until all peoples can hear Your voice? Won’t You send a messenger again? Won’t You release Your Spirit of Truth to speak throughout the nations? Won’t You heed the cry of broken peoples, the wounded, the deprived, the poor, the senseless, the lost and the empty who think they are full?

The Egyptian tyrant has fallen; good! But who will take his place? Does the military have any more compassion than he? Will an elected official have integrity and pursue peace? Does our government provide any hope for the rest of the world desiring freedom? Do we know what we’re doing? What do You think as You watch this unfold? Will You intervene and bring a hopeful future to this people longing for light? Are Your seekers prepared to follow Your lead?

What about South Sudan, Lord? Are You working in their midst as this country prepares to be birthed? Will Your desire for peace and justice and love and equity be heard in this newest of countries? Are Your followers called to a particular action for them?

How, O Lord, are we to work for peace, justice, equity and love throughout the world when we don’t even have it at home? Our own country is found to be lacking when it comes to the simple task of providing everyone with food, clothing, shelter, security, medical care and psychological, emotional and spiritual support. Why, then, do we think that we can tell othe countries how they ought to act? Lord, who do we think we are?! We are not You!

Your Church (worldwide) however is called to act on Your behalf. Are we acting in ways that show the world what You desire? Can the world look at us and see You?  Or are we, like helpless plants, simply frozen in winter, longing for spring?

"Longing for Spring" - Photo by Trista Wynne

O Lord, I know that I am an imperfect being, but I do desire to be likened unto You. And many others in Your Church, who are also imperfect beings, are also desiring to be likened unto You. Dear Lord, although we cannot attain this perfection as individuals, I do believe that You are in the midst of granting it to the entire gathering. I pray, Lord, that through Your immense love and mercy, we might all learn how to reflect You, or rather, to become so transparent that You would easily be seen. In order for this to happen, Lord, I believe that we need to empty ourselves of the desire even to exist, because in this desire, we serve our own desires instead of Yours. Help us, Lord, as an entire community across time and space, to be willing to be emptied and to let You fill us with Yourself.

What would “church” look like if we really acted as though You were with us and not far removed from our midst?  For now, we, like the little rosehips above, are simply caught between seasons, half-frozen in the winter of waiting, but desperately longing for the warm spring-breath of Your Holy Spirit.  We wait with Jesus’ name on our lips, whispering prayers for Your grace.  Maranatha!  Come, Lord Jesus, and stir us to newness of life.

On a Hardening Heart: Pondering a Change of Direction

Dear Lord,

My heart is growing more rigid today. Is this of You, in preparation for separation or transition, or do I need to address something? If I am growing more rigid in a way that is not of You, I pray for a softening of heart and new visioning for the future.

I release all that I am and all that I have and all that I am doing into your care, admitting once more that it was never really mine to begin with. Only let me live to Your glory.

Ah, Lord, is this where You want me to be? Does it allow me to be doing what You would want me to be doing? What have I chosen a paper on a topic that would cause me such grief?!

I think that it’s because I know that it breaks Your heart like it breaks mine. And You, as the Beloved of all people who calls even simple folk like me in the darkest parts of the night to come hear Your heartbeat, You speak to my heart concerning the depth of Your passions, and I often cry Your tears.

Your peoples are crying for justice; O Lord, I hear them! Your peoples are crying for mercy; O Lord, I join in their plea! Your peoples are crying for Your Kingdom; O Lord, let Your Kingdom shine!

Papa, our Papa-God,
who hears our cries in heaven,
may Your Kingdom come
     be evident here and now
     and everywhere throughout the earth!

May Your name,
which is above all names
     be praised forever more!

*****

Ah, Lord, You bring me to the Lamentations of Jeremiah, and I have prayed them all as my prayer this evening on behalf of all who suffer and groan. In the midst of the suffering, several verses stand out as words of trust and hope, and I pray that I might be able to speak these words with truth and conviction. Your steadfast love endures, O Lord, and in the midst of everything, even during severe reprimand, this much remains true throughout eternity.

Teach me, Lord, and all of those who are called to minister in Your name, whatever You would like to teach us through these words of lament and hope. My spirit continues to lift this prayer and to be in dialogue with You, even as I prepare to enter my slumber. I do want to be Your servant, for You are a loving, compassionate and just Master, my Love!

On Christianity, Poverty & Wealth

While sitting at a coffee shop in an affluent area, I found my spirit grating within me. I had just been riding the public transit, praying for and talking to my fellow riders, and have been recently having my eyes opened to many of the reasons for poverty throughout the world. When I overheard conversation regarding vacation homes, new businesses and how much little dog’s outfits cost, I thought I might scream. Instead I brought out my pen and let my spirit connect with the Spirit of Grace and Truth.

*****

Ah, Lord, I wonder what I am doing here! I am deeply passionate about things that many of these people just let pass them by. Lord, what would You like to come forth out of this? I definitely hold the issues of Christianity, Poverty and Wealth close to my heart, but I do not yet know what to do about the issues I am learning about.

Lord, let my mind, heart, body and passions be fertile ground for Your Spirit’s seed. May the pathos and teachings of Jesus till the soil and nourish the tree of life taking root, and may the harvest be full, abundant and for Your glory. Please grant me courage and wisdom and inspiration to speak, act and write in ways that would grow Your Kingdom. Is there someone here You would like me to talk to today, or maybe to learn from them, or maybe simply to overcome my own prejudices?

Father, forgive me for just looking at the surface instead of the poverty within the conversation around me. Please help me to see people as You see them. Lord Jesus, You looked at the rich man with pity, mercy and compassion; help me to do the same. Spirit of Peace, infuse my inner being with Your grace and add an extra dose of love.

Perhaps the way to minister to the world at large is to soften the hearts of the rich towards the poor and likewise to do the same with the poor towards the rich. We are at such odds with one another and filled with such animosity, one toward another, that no compassion is shown.

I wonder what the churches around these areas, and others like them, teach about money. Lord, please let Your truth be known! Help the rich and poor to dialogue together. Help us to listen to one another in compassion and love.

What do You say, Lord? What would an ideal economic structure look like and how could we go about fostering such a system within our communities? I trust that Your Spirit will flow through my studies and dialogues to help me reflect Christ in my paper on this topic, but also in my life, teaching, writing, prayers, reflections, worship leadership, art, song and dance.

Oh Jesus, Beloved, when You walked the earth in the flesh, how did You feel towards Rome? I sometimes focus on the poor and other underdogs in Your life and forget that You also walked and talked and ate with powerful tax collectors, rich teachers and influential leaders in Your time. Always You did so to mend the broken stratification system. Always You taught those who thought they had power that the powerless were worthwhile and on the same level as them. Lord, teach me. Help me to see all people as equal. I do not want to stratify anymore. I want to break free from the system I was born into and to experience the freedom that comes from never seeing anyone as less than myself, and never seeing myself as anything less than Your Beloved. You are the Lover of all.

I want to see the world through Your eyes, to experience the love and compassion that You felt, and to shine as brightly as You shone. In order to fulfill this desire, which has been placed on my heart by Your own Spirit, I must be filled with You. And in order to be filled with You, I must be emptied of my prejudices, my judgments and my own sense of shame and guilt. O Lord, have mercy!

Enlighten my eyes from the inside out. I suspect that You are already living in every person in the world but are seen most clearly shining through the lens of community. Help my vision to be enlightened and healed by You. Here I am, Lord! Let me see with Your eyes, hear with Your ears, and to taste, smell and touch Your way as I walk throughout this world, amen.

On Being Human

"Holding Hands in Solidarity" - Photo by Trista Wynne

While reading “Being Human: Race, Culture & Religion”, and considering Dr. King’s dream that all might be equal, I wonder how far we’ve come. Not nearly far enough; that’s for sure! Lord, have mercy!

Hopkins says that his desire for freedom for all peoples flows forth out of his particularity – in his case, from being a second generation black theologian. I might very well say a similar thing regarding my personhood as a woman theologian with a liberation slant. And that, I think is where I am drawn into reflection this evening.

A woman in the empire – that is one way to describe me. I am a woman, and I was born into an empire, one that appears at this point to be on the verge of implosion. Whether or not that will happen in my lifetime remains to be seen, but one way or another, I, as a woman theologian with a liberation slant in the twenty-first century of our Lord, am called to play a specific role in the preparation or recovery. I may or may not have a large impact on a large number of people or any governmental structures, (I leave the specifics to my Beloved) but I do know for certain that I am to live as a light-bearer and bringer of hope. To a self-absorbed people group obsessed with success, I have been gifted with writing, art, poetry, song and, occasionally dance and speech, both as a critique and as a healing balm.

Out from my own heart, where experience, faith, observation and knowledge of my Beloved dwells, a river of tears flows forth, a veritable tidal wave of emotion, on behalf of a broken world because I, myself, know what it means to be broken.

I have never understood how people can walk out of the service on Good Friday and jovially enter into conversation with one another! Why would they leave You when You’re broken, my Love?! How can they turn their backs on You? Does Your Spirit not call to them? Aren’t they moved with deep distress by Your cries still echoing throughout the world?!

The whole world knows the pain of the cross – they feel it in their everyday lives. What they are lacking is the joy of Your resurrection and the power of Your freedom and love! But we, who were born into freedom, ignore their plight and thus we ignore our own joy, and we neglect love completely. You, Beloved, are rejected again and again; but still You call.

O Sweet Jesus, when will Your voice be heard? When will freedom and justice and peace and plenty be evenly distributed among the nations? When will we all know how intimately we are connected in You? When will we be free from fear and come to embrace the fullness of life in You?

O Precious Lover, share me with whomever You wish; I desire for You to be known and to release You to the world. O Spirit, Sophia, Comforter, Guide – spread the seeds of the Kingdom far and wide; I desire to labor together with You in the world. O Father, our Papa, our Blessed Creator, quicken my mind, spirit, body and heart; enliven them more fully so I can best serve You. Triune God who holds all of creation within the palm of Your hand, You love us with an everlasting love! I deeply desire to share this love with others; infuse me with an ever-deepening understanding (body, mind and spirit) of Your being. O let me become more like You, Love! Let there be less and less distinction between us so that others around me might see through me to You!

Disperse self-centeredness; infuse servant compassion. Disperse darkness; infuse light. Disperse death; infuse life. Amen.

An Evening Lament: A cry for the Nations

“Their blood cries out to me from the ground!” O Lord, your lament echoes across countless generations from the very inception of recorded history! O Lord, my Love, I join You; with every fiber of my being, I enter into Your lament. The cry of the innocent, the cry of the poor, the cry of the wounded, the dying, the rejected – these cries enter my soul in the shadows of night and echo throughout the day. How can I bear it, my Love? What do You have in mind for me to do? All I can do is sit in the ashes and wait, my Love, and wait for You to act. I wait and I cry and I am deeply troubled on behalf of the wounded world.

     My Lord, my Rock,

     do not remain silent!

     Although Your Word is present,

     the nations continuously turn away.

     My own people – they are the attackers,

     my own kin are filled with hate.

     They cannot see beyond themselves

     they reject Your light among them.

     You bide Your time,

     You wait for their return.

     O Loving Father,

     Tender Mother,

     is Your waiting in vain?

My Lord, my Love,

     I cling to You,

          longing for wisdom, instruction and truth.

          Where would You have me, Love,

     where shall I go?

For You I wait.

Habakkuk’s cry becomes my own as I wait and watch and wonder.

When will my Love come to rescue?
When will my God come to save?
     Come and deliver,
     set us free from ourselves,
          free from the bondage of pride.
     Come and deliver,
     soften our minds and hearts,
          Spirit descend once again.