Saying Farewell

It is with deep sadness that I share this photo of our sweet Camille (the beautiful black cat with brown undertones) playing outside.  She, in this picture, was pouncing on a leaf that had just fallen from the trees behind our apartment.  She has been enthralled with the outdoors this year as she has spent the majority of her life as an indoor-exclusive cat.  We were happy to finally have found a place where the cats could come outside with us in the evening hours after work.

This morning when we woke up, we found Camille lying on the floor having trouble breathing. She was having a heart attack, as we found out from our vet a short time later. Camille took her last breath at 9:10 this morning. She died in my arms being showered with love. We brought her home to say our farewells and let Spokes smell her and say goodbye to her younger sister.

Through tears, I painted the kitty coffin our vet had given us. Camille was wrapped in a snugly blanket, hugged and kissed. We placed her favorite toy - our feather duster - in the little coffin with her. Then we buried her in the nature area behind our apartment. She spent countless hours observing the birds and ducks playing there from her window perch. Now she will rest with her nature friends.

Camille has been our baby for most of our married life. Next month would have marked her tenth birthday. She will be missed terribly.

Beloved kitten, may light perpetual shine upon you. May you be found pouncing in green pastures and climbing tall trees without fear. May our Beloved Creator stroke your soft fur and hold you close until we meet again. 

Thanksgiving for Fruitful Vines

Photo by Trista Wynne

Good evening, Beloved ~

On my heart tonight are the thickets of blackberries just behind our apartments.  Out of all of the wonderful smells we encounter in Your creation, the smell of ripening blackberries is one of my favorites.  Even our kitties enjoy the sweet scent!  I don't fully understand why the vines must be covered in such rigid prickles, however, when I reach in to help myself to this delicious fruit.

I wish they were more like the strawberry bushes with smooth, thin strands.  But perhaps then they would not be strong enough to hold such large, juicy fruit.  But what purpose do the thorns serve?

My mind wanders back to our church home up north, where lots of blackberry brambles covered the grounds. Every spring, the wild rabbits would use these thickets as a hiding place in which to build their burrows and bear their young.  The thorns serve as a natural deterrent to predators, protecting the little bunnies until they were strong enough to hop about on their own.  So, even though the thorns serve no good purpose for me, perhaps some of your creatures offer thanksgiving and songs of praise for the gifts of the blackberry brier.

Lightening my Spirit

This evening, Beloved, I spoke with a very dear friend about life, death, cycles of rebirth, dementia, Alzheimer's, cancer, suicide, depression, care-taking and the like.  I shall contemplate the details of our conversation for quite some time...

For now, I want to note how much taller and broader and lighter I feel.  The tentacles of the dark shadow that has been looming for several months seem to be receding.  I almost felt as though I were growing wings while speaking to my dear sister in Christ.  She certainly lifted my burden of sorrow.

It seems that few people are able to discuss death and loss as realities of life.  Either they become disconnected and talk simply about the facts, which removes them from the situation emotionally, or they become so involved as to become a further hindrance to my grief process.  Few have been able to listen deeply, to be vulnerable with their own experiences and still refrain from "stealing the show" or comparing their grief to mine in a way that turns the conversation towards them.

It is hard to find compassionate, pastoral listeners.  But You brought me to three this week.  One in particular remained with me long into the night.  She is the reason I am writing.

I am blessed beyond words by our conversation and time together.  I am very grateful that You have brought us together for these days following Christmas.  Like the tiny snail here, I feel a bit like I have been brought to a safe haven.

Photo by Trista Wynne

I am surrounded by people who know me intimately.  They are providing me with emotional and spiritual shelter in the midst of the storm of grief.  Thank You, Beloved, for giving me a bit of new life and for lightening my spirit during this time of communion with Your peoples.  Amen.

For the Victims of the Clackamas Town Center Shooting

Dear Lord, we pray for all who were at the Clackamas Town Center this afternoon. 

What a horrific situation! Having been married to a man who worked in malls for over eleven years, I am deeply grieved for the families and friends of the shooting victims. No one thinks when they go to work or make a quick trip to the store that it will be the last thing they do... 

We lit a candle for peace this week, Lord. We pray for mercy and peace.

Comfort the grieving. Hold the shocked close to Your heart. And show us, Lord, how we can help, and how we can prevent such tragedies in the future. 

Lord, have mercy! Christ, have mercy! Lord, have mercy!

Political Pondering

Beloved,

As I sit here wondering whose face will represent our country for the next four years, I wonder what You think of all this political craziness and upheaval.  I wonder if any of the potential leaders have the humility and depth of character to look to You for real guidance.  How many nation leaders spend time in meditation and focusing of their life-force energy which flows forth from Your own Spirit?

What would happen if we all desired peace above war, life above death, hope above fear and love above hate?

What if these were the values we looked for in a leader?  How might the world be different?

What would it take for our country to shine like the stars in the heavens, and to be light and a healing balm for the world?

You alone know.

Praying with the Church

Today, while the baby I nanny sleeps in the next room, I join my brothers and sisters throughout the world walking through the Order of Holy Eucharist in the Book of Common Prayer.  In particular, I join my sisters and brothers at St Thomas Medina where I served as Children's and Youth Intern over this last summer.  They have a mid-week Eucharist service at ten o'clock every week.  I have been a part of their worshipping community for two and a half years.  Now I join them from a different state, but my spirit continues to be with them.  So, today I am reading along with them.

I have come to the part in the service where the Prayers of the People are being offered up.  We are called to pray:

• For the Universal Church, its members and its mission
• For the Nation and all in authority
• For the welfare of the world
• For the concerns of the local community
• For those who suffer and those in any trouble
• For the departed and those who grieve

And so, let us join together in prayer: 

Beloved,

We ask for Your Church to be comprehensive in vision, open in inclusion, willing in service, quick to love and slow to judge.  We ask for hope and light and wisdom to be poured out upon the world in Jesus' name through Your Church.  And we pray for the same to come to pass through the world towards Your Church so that all in Your service will recall that You are Lord over all the earth.

We pray for our nation, torn in battle over who is the greatest.  We pray for wisdom and discernment for all who are in leadership.  We pray for our president, for our senators, for our congress-folk, for all in the administrative cabinet, for all who are in service to our country, for our mayors and governors, our state leaders, our tribal councils, and all elected and influential people.  Beloved, may the work of Your Kingdom: the Kingdom of peace, love, light and grace become evident through the words and actions of our leaders.  May we seek justice, love mercy and abide in steadfast love and faithfulness as a nation.  May we not turn our backs on the poor, the oppressed, the alien, the widow, the mistreated, the social outcast, the mentally ill, the physically disabled or any other people group.  May we work diligently as a nation to remove poverty, to pursue social equity, to provide health and mental health coverage to all regardless of gender, race, creed, sexual orientation or legal status.  May we learn not to discriminate against our neighbors, but to embrace them in love and respect.  In these ways, the world may know that You are here.

We pray for the world.  We lift up our sisters and brothers from all nations who are feeling the effects of war, poverty, abusive regimes, tyranny, genocide and all kinds of horrific atrocities that make Your heart sick.  We pray that You will work through the governments of the world to restore justice and mercy to the ends of the earth.  We pray for the women throughout the world who do not have equal access to education: may true equality be seen throughout the world!  We pray for all who are bullied or ostracized on account of sexual orientation: may discrimination and mistreatment cease!  We pray for children who are abused or neglected: may they no longer slip under the radar of a broken system!  May Your light shine brightly to expose the problems in our systems, and may Your Light and Wisdom be granted to all of us so that we might work together to fix what is broken in our societies.  Then all may know that You are God.

We pray for our own cities and towns.  We ask for You to again help us to pursue justice and equity in our neighborhoods, in our congregations, in our community centers, in our work places, in our homes and in our schools.  We pray for Your Holy Spirit to guide our interactions with all whom we meet.  May Your light shine so brightly through us that the people around us may see and know that You are Love.

We pray for the wounded.  We lift up the mentally ill.  We pray for the grieving.  We pray for our brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, grandparents and parents, neighbors and friends who are struggling financially, emotionally, physically or mentally.  We pray for those who are in need of surgery, for those who cannot afford health care and therefor neglect their bodies to the point that they cannot be mended and for those who cannot afford mental health coverage.  We pray for all who do not yet know that they have a terminal illness.  We pray for the doctors, the nurses and the entire healthcare teams throughout the world who are working to provide care and searching for better treatments for the illnesses that plague all of us.  We pray for the animals You created: may they be treated with dignity and respect.  May those who are raised for food be ethically treated and receive good lives.  May those who enter our homes and our properties as domestic animals receive love, proper nutrition and care.  May those who have suffered abuse and neglect be rescued and find better homes!  May any organization that allows or promotes the abuse or neglect of Your creatures be exposed and destroyed.  May all of Your creatures be viewed as beautiful and seen as gifts of Your grace, works of Your hand and therefore loved and honored in Your name.

We pray for hospice workers: nurses, chaplains, volunteers and therapists of all kinds.  May they receive abundant grace, be filled with great wisdom and be treated with deep gratefulness by all.  We pray for the dying, that they might receive therapies, herbs and medicine that will ease their pain and discomfort.  We pray that they might receive all the treatments they need to ease their transition from this life to the next.  We pray for the chaplains and spiritual leaders who minister to them and to their families.  We pray for those who have already passed from life to Life, that they might receive a gentle repose and may know the Love and Light and Peace that is your own heart.  May we all be reunited in You when the time is proper.

In Jesus' name through the Holy Spirit we pray, 

Amen.

Walking the Way

Oh Lord,

I can't sleep tonight.  I'm angry!  I'm angry that I can't find a place to land in the Church.  I'm angry that I'm feeling alone, and that so many people are arguing with one another over whose Church it really is.  The details are in my journal this evening, but there are areas in the churches around me that are making me hurt, and because I feel hurt I write in anger.  It's not directed at anyone but You, because You are the only one that can handle the depth of my emotions. 

*sigh*

Lord, please, give Your Church guidance, vision and inspiration.  We are so lost.  People around here don't know You because we in the Church are so focused on digging our heels into the ground and fighting one another.  We use manipulative techniques to try and deprive each other of power.  We don't recognize any denominations except our own.  We can't even seem to reconcile differences within our own congregations.

Oh Lord, have mercy!

Ah, Lord, I feel like my ministerial visioning is a bit like the weather in Seattle.  I get a glimpse of hope, sunshine and clarity, and then the rainclouds of reality come and separate me from the vision for a while.  The vision always comes back, and I know it's there in the distance, but there are days that are darker than others, and there are times when the clouds are simply very, very heavy.

Today is one of those days, Beloved.

I'm glad that You are with me today.  I'm glad that You walk me through the dark valley when I'm there, and that You allow me to wrestle with You when I'm angry with Your peoples.  Forgive me for the times that I take my anger out on them instead of You.  Help me to be more creative with my interactions, and to use my imagination to heal where woundedness is clearly evident.

Lord, help us to reconcile with one another.  Help Your peoples to aim for unity.  I know that we miss the mark; that's why You came, Lord Jesus.  With Your help, Beloved, we can improve our aim.  In time, our practice of faith will become healthier in Your hands.  One day we will be right on target, and walking the Way which You have given to us.

I hope that day comes soon.

Show me, Sophia-Spirit, what I can do to help the world draw closer to our Beloved.  I desire to work with You, not against You.  Help me to see through Your eyes.  Amen.

A Child's Eucharistic Celebration

Hear O Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord alone.  You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might.  Keep these words that I am commanding you today in your heart.  Recite them to your children and talk about them when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise.  Bind them as a sign on your hand, fix them as an emblem on your forehead, and write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. (Deut. 6:4-9)

This morning, the preschooler that I nanny, who has just celebrated his third birthday, celebrated his first Eucharist.  We weren't in a church building.  There wasn't a lot of music or long prayers or chanting.  Instead, his father and I were eating breakfast with him and watching the birds outside the window.

Church: Branches, Zombies, Fire & Life

Beloved,

My allegiance is to You above all.  I trust that You are in Your Church, no matter how divided it may seem.  I wish, Lord, that denominational (and non-denominational) branches would not exclude one another, but would have more interaction.  Each individual congregation strives for their own vision, their own purpose, and their own future.  Do they not realize that we are all one in You?

"Thirsty Tree" - Photo by Trista Wynne

This pointless striving against one another, whether overtly or in undercurrents, has sadly been our legacy from the beginning.

What do You Have in Your Hands?

The question posed by the pastor at Westminster Chapel this morning echoes through my heart.  What do we have in our hands, bodies, minds, spirits, talents and being that the Lord desires to use?  What are the limitations we impose upon ourselves?  God has gifted us with a vast array of talents and personality traits.  All of them can be used for God’s glory.  How do our perceived limitations get in the way?  Maybe we have much more to offer than we believe.  What would the Lord like to do in, with and through us?

"Working Hands" - Photo by Matthew Wynne

I wonder about these things as I prepare to lay my head against the pillow this evening.  Just a few short hours ago we found ourselves in the Fremont Abbey with the Church of the Apostles.  The speaker there reflected on Jesus’ assertions from the gospel of John. “I am the good shepherd.”  “I am the door.”  These images all give us clues as to what our Lord is like.

Joining together of Old and New: Praying for Healing and Unity of the Generations in the Church of Christ

"Strong Roots" - Photo by Trista Wynne

Beloved,

My heart is downcast within me.  I miss my time with my grandma, and I long for encouraging interactions with the elder generations around me.  You graciously have provided me with several neighbors with whom I am interacting on a regular basis who are in the generation before me, and we learn so much from one another.  I do, however, long for the wisdom and encouragement that came from my grandma.  With her I felt safe and accepted for who I was.  I was never afraid to admit a wrongdoing or a mistake, for we could often laugh together about something similar she had done when she was my age.  She had many stories to tell me that brought history to life.  I always learned something new when we were together.  She deeply valued our relationship as well. 

My stories and adventures brought her great joy and she was always delighted to hear about the new things that I tried.  We even had many adventures where we tried new things together.  New recipes and outdoor exploring sites came forth out of our mutual desire to learn and to grow.  She saw You in me, and she listened attentively as I explored the truths that Your Spirit was speaking.  We prayed together often, and she opened up Scriptures to me in exciting, tangible ways through her life stories.  We were respected, valued and loved.  Perhaps this is why, even though we didn’t see one another every week, when we were together, it was as though we had never parted.  I look forward to the time when we will be reunited together in Your Holy Kingdom, when all things are made new in the fullness of time.

"New Breath" - Photo by Trista Wynne

My heart is downcast, though, because relationships like this are hard to come by in Your Church today.  The elder members neglect to encourage the younger generations and neither group respects the other.  I see the need for something new for Your Church to enter into the future, but know that You have not equipped me for building or sustaining; You have created me as a visionary, a dreamer, a creative spirit whose exuberance and delight in You might inspire others to bring forth this new thing that is percolating on the edges of the present day.  And so, dear Lord, I invite others to join me in the following prayer so that we might enter into this glorious future well-equipped for the mission work that You have given Your peoples to accomplish.  We pray for unity and healing so that the world may know that You are Love!

We pray, dear Lord, that you might bring the generations throughout your Church together so that the younger generations might receive encouragement and mentoring, and the older generations might feel appreciated and valued.  We pray for healing of the wounds which each party has inflicted upon the other.  Wherever we have contributed to these wounds, we pray for grace and forgiveness.  Grant us the wisdom and the courage to join together, to share our stories and to listen prayerfully to one another so that together we can enter into the blessed future that You are preparing for your worldwide Church.  We pray for denominational and generational borders to gently fade so that a new, vibrant, united Church might be seen and that, as Your Beloved Son prayed, we might be known by our love of one another. 

"Beauty in New Life" - Photo by Trista Wynne

May You, O Lord, raise up from among us prophets and visionaries, builders and activists, and developers of sustainability.  May we work together so that future generations will look back upon our time and see Your Sophia-Spirit moving through what we pray, say and do together.  May it all be for our Beloved's glory in Christ Jesus.

Empowered by the Holy Spirit, we pray this in the name of Jesus the Christ, and we desire Your glory above our own.  Amen.

Palms, Presence and Unexpected Joy

Ah Beloved,

Thank You for Your presence at the chapel this morning!  Sophia-Spirit, You flowed through the message and music, speaking to my husband and I both in ways that were unexpected and surprising.  We entered that place feeling a little awkward, but soon felt welcomed.  Since the worshipping area was close to the front doors, it was easy to see where to go, and the combination of worship and arts was clearly evident from the beginning.  Both of these things were very appealing to us.

There were a few things that made me think I’d rather go elsewhere, like the loudness of the music and the strange placement of the early offering.  For the first half of the message, I felt like I was listening to one of my brothers tell a story.  The pastor jumped all over the place, citing Bible passages from Hebrews, Philippians, Genesis, Jonah and John.  My mind was a metal bal inside a pinball machine!  But then, somewhere about two-thirds of the way in, the pastor suddenly seemed to connect with Your Spirit of Peace, and clarity came.  The last portion of the sermon was poignant, and exactly what we needed to hear today.

Then we prayed the prayer that You taught Your disciples, and many hands around us were lifted.  Your Presence was tangibly felt, and complete surrender fell upon everyone in the crowd.  In those moments following the sermon and the prayer, the room seemed to vibrate with energy, and then, when the band began to play, every hair on my body stood on end.  I don’t think a single person stood still in that room.  We couldn’t!  You were there!  My husband’s hand met mine, and we were practically elevated off the floor!  What energy!

What a gift!  What an unexpected gift!  Ah, Beloved King of kings, how awesome it was to worship you in a way that used our entire being!  To sing to you with the kind of music that naturally makes us want to dance fully connects our heads, hearts and bodies in worship.  We were so blessed to receive Your Presence today.  And I am humbled, because You came and met us where we least expected it.  The theology at that church is very different than mine, and they have restrictive burdens that I feel are highly unnecessary, but even there You are working. 

"Unexpected Beauty" - Photo by Trista Wynne

You come where we least expect You, and You act in loving kindness, granting Your Presence even to those who do not understand.  I suppose this unexpected Presence is what Palm Sunday is all about, for You entered Jerusalem not as the messiah hell-bent on war and overthrowing the oppressive powers, but as the gentle King of the Universe, humble and riding on a donkey.  You came in peace, knowing that You had the rest of eternity to make all things right.  Your presence then came as a surprise, even to those who knew You best; so it is even today.

Blessed King, may we be continually surprised by Your loving kindness for all of creation, and may we do our best to reflect this same unrequited love to all, amen.

What then shall We say? You Alone Know, O Lord!

Beloved Jesus ~

No one in Your time, save for Mary of Bethany, seemed to understand the gravity of the time You found Yourself in during the last days of Your earthly life. How could they comprehend what they had never before seen? What could You use as an illustration of the events that were about to unfold? How could it possibly make sense, even to those who followed You so closely?

The work which our Father had given for You to accomplish was new and strange to them. The ministry You did and the love You gave was like nothing they had ever experienced, but was not without connection to the work of our Father throughout history. How could You describe what You were given to accomplish? The analogies simply fell short of the reality; and they still do today.

Ah Beloved, there is not one person who fully comprehends all that You accomplished through Your incarnation. Your birth, life, death and resurrection, although foretold in bits and pieces of vision through the prophets of old, still caught everyone by surprise when it all came to pass. No one quite understood what You were doing while they were in Your presence, but they all knew that something was different about You.

They were intrigued and excited, or perhaps a bit nervous and skeptical. But mostly the people around You were simply hungry for truth, love and freedom. They were feeling abandoned or neglected and trapped in oppressive circumstances. Most of all, they were lacking hope.

Likewise, we who are entering ministry today find ourselves surrounded by people in similar circumstances. The people we are called to work with, to tend to, and to feed, are Your peoples who have lost sight of Your direction or have not yet been introduced to Your freedom and love. We are called to search for those who are wandering far from the way that leads to life. We are called to bring light to a darkened world and hope to those who are filled with dread at the thoughts of the future. We are called to bring healing and a message of Your reconciliation to a world filled with war, violence and bloodshed. You have given us to be healing balm to a wounded, suffering world.



"Life in the Midst of Death" - Photo by Trista Wynne

 How then shall we speak to them, Beloved? What then shall we say? How will our pathways be like, and unlike, Yours? Oh Lord, You alone know!

As we prepare to enter our calling more deeply, may we be humble and willing to accept correction when the Spirit deems it necessary, and resilient enough to let unwarranted criticism roll of our backs. May we be soft enough to be approachable, and strong enough to stand firm when You call us to, O Lord. May Your Sophia-Spirit breathe wisdom into us so that we can respond gently and peaceably in all the times and spaces where such responses are needed. May all that we are, and all that we do, be for Your glory, Beloved; may the world come to know the Father who sent us in the first place, in Your name, amen.

Hope & Healing on the Horizon: Reflecting the Day to Come in the Present Day



Blessed Creator, Lover Divine ~

Thank You for the gifts of music, rhythm, friendship, connection, creativity and ingenuity! Each of these have played significant roles throughout this weekend. The haunting melodies of the women’s choir on Friday, the heartbeat rhythm of the sacred drumming circle Saturday and the fluttering of the violin strings from the service this morning all ebb and flow together in my spirit’s inner ear. For these sounds, I am very grateful.

These last three days have filled me with joy and left me hungry for more: more music, more mystery, more marvelous connections with You, Your creation and Your peoples! Lord, in all of these things I find myself drinking deeply from Your wellspring of life and desiring more of You. What joys I discover, both inside and outside of the Church, and what a palpable sense of Your presence I feel! Where could I go where You are not present? In the adoration from a young child, in the whispering wind in the willow, in the purr of our warm kitties, You are there. In the thundering rainstorm, in the calm that follows, in the gentle caress of a passionate lover, You are there. And even in the times when we do not know, perhaps most especially in the places we least expect, You, Beloved, are there.


"A Hidden Light Bursting Forth" - Photo by Trista Wynne

 I consider the times of abandonment, where waves of loss, anger, shame or abuse overshadow the love and light that You desire to share. There are horrors in this world that we would rather not know, or see, or imagine, or remember, but even in these times and places, You are there. How You are working to heal the wounds which scar us all, we cannot always see or know, but still You are there. Why some people die and others remain, we do not always understand, but still, O Lord, You are there. And why some tyrants lead for so long or corruption seems so rampant, we cannot fathom, but even there, even in those times, You are there.

You are there, but You are not silent. You are there, but You do not remain hidden. In the midst of our deepest trials: the shaking of the earth, the desolation of Your planet, the cruel treatment of our loved ones, in these times You are actively working to plant seeds of new life. Seeds of hope begin to sprout, desire for life and peace rises, and Your Sophia-Spirit breathes afresh into all of these situations. Even now She is working to bring forth assurance that Your creation is not forsaken, but in the process of being made new. She grants us visions of justice, of mercy, of peace and provision for all through the love which finds its origins in Jesus.

In the midst of the direst of circumstances, You, O Lord, are present and working to prepare the way for Your new Day, a day we can only imagine in part. You have given us glimpses through simple and complex word-pictures granted through Your prophets old and new. Despite their words, we sometimes forget the hope of what is yet to come. We neglect to actively shape our present reality to reflect Your Kingdom on the earth. Forgive us, renew us, and grant us the courage and wisdom to fully live the lives You gave to us, and to walk in Your way of love, mercy, justice and provision for all.

Ah, Beloved, Your active and creative Sophia-Spirit became clearly evident in Biblical times. May we all learn to be receptive to Her movements today. May we become active reflections of Your new creation in the midst of our present reality. May we seek Your presence of Love and Grace and Peace and Truth wherever You may be found. And may we all come to know how intimately we are connected with one another, with Your creation, and with You through Jesus the Lover of all, amen.

Battling the Beloved: How my Heart is won back when I Turn Away

Hello Beloved,

Much is on my mind, not for worries, but mostly for contemplation. At the forefront, though, is the sermon preached by our dear friend and pastor in Beaverton, where we found ourselves beginning Spring Break this weekend. The sermon on trust, the songs about being clay in Your hands, and their combined calling to release ourselves into Your arms for Your purposes – these are the images on my mind this evening.

Towards the beginning of the service, when the song entitled “The Potter’s Hand” was being sung, I found myself unable to join in the singing. This was odd since it is a favorite song of mine, but my spirit was heavy and I was grieved over the lack of connections and deep friendships in our lives since we followed Your call to move up here to the Seattle area. I didn’t feel particularly willing to become just anything or anyone at that moment in time. You know, Beloved, how I sometimes battle with You in spirit. Thankfully, Your Spirit is kind and compassionate, and gently worked throughout the rest of the service to remind me how much I am valued and loved even by that dear community which is several hours away from us.

"Softness of the Beloved" - Photo by Trista Wynne

The prayers of the people, the sermon, the strong embrace of our dearly loved minister of music, and lengthy hugs from the children (now teenagers) whom I used to nanny for – these all worked together to soften my heart. By the time we were invited to Your table, I was able to let go of the false pretense of control over my life. I simply acknowledge that in this part of the journey, my life and the life of my husband are truly in Your hands. I want to trust You; Lord, please help my lack of trust.

The Way of the Beloved: Journeying through Lent - 1st Sunday 2011

Tonight at Frankincense we read from Genesis, the story of the time when humanity chose a way that was different from the path You laid out. An alternate ending was presented from Rabbi Kushner, one in which there was no decision to turn away. There was simply Eden.

In his alternate ending, there was no extreme sorrow, but pleasure was also lacking. With every need met and no experience of pain or suffering, I wonder if we would ever have grown to love You. Would we have grown to love one another? Would we love ourselves?

What would this life look like if there was no sin or separation or hiding between us? Or are any of these things actually here now? Sin is supposedly the separation from You, but Beloved, is there a place in existence where You are not? The psalmist would contend, and the prophets agree, that such a place does not exist. So what then is sin? Julian says it is of no substance at all. If separation is the definition, then I think she is right, for wherever we travel, You, Beloved, are with us.

"Lenten Feet" - Photo by Trista Wynne

This brings me back to the Genesis passage. What really happened there? Where, if anywhere, did You go when the woman was speaking with the serpent? Were You hidden from sight? Why would You hide when their biggest decision ever was being made?

But this apparent absence is what Lent is about, then, isn’t it? We remember Jesus’ struggle and painful wandering out in the desert during a time of utmost importance in His earthly ministry. In that time were You hidden? The text is silent on the subject, saying neither that You were there, nor that you were absent beyond the physical presence of Christ. We get no clear indication that there was a separation of Your communal nature until the agonizing cry from the cross. But even there, was it separation or perception? Are we simply blinded to Your presence at times? How is it that we can feel so far away from You even when we are found in Your very womb, Dear Mother?

These things are too wonderful for me, Beloved! Still, on account of our intimacy, I am free to ask the questions that burn in my heart this night. What happened in Eden? What happened in the desert? What happened at the cross? What is this road about which we are walking along together? Where might it lead, and is the end really the beginning? How can we be coming back to You, as some theologians might say, if You have never really left us in the first place? Surely You are not far from us, Beloved! Surely we are always near to Your heart, O God!

Perhaps more questions will arise, Dear One, as we continue this Lenten journey together. For now, however, I’m glad to have the freedom to bring my questions to You as I prepare to slumber. I pray that I might be tucked into the fold of Your garment and that I might come closer to hearing and echoing Your heartbeat, Beloved. Oh let us be one as I enter my sleep, amen.

The Divine Feminine

In a way unlike any time prior, I am finding myself noticing the imagery of the feminine in Scripture in intimate detail.  The nourishing actions of a breast-feeding mother, the gentle flutter of a mother hen's wing, the protective shelter of the muscular womb, the intimate passions of the feminine belly -- all of these womanly wonders are attributed to You and to Your prophets across the span of time and space.  How intricately woven is the female body!  How intimately connected to You!

"Tender Strength" - Photo by Trista Wynne

Precious Spirit, You are in the midst of enriching my reading of Your Word and deepening my love for You at every juncture.  The tender caress of the flowers in bloom remind me of Your Feminine Presence.  I am delicate and strong, just like You.  Oh Sophia, Precious Mother, Passionate Lover and Companion of all, thank You.  I am deeply grateful for Your presence, and I await Your timing in the blossoming of my own internal flower as the earth now waits for spring.

The Family Crest: A Reflection on Ash Wednesday

What if our crosses were always visible? No, I’m not talking about the gold-plated ones we chain around our necks after shelling out a bunch of cash! I’m talking about the ones on our foreheads, the ones that the minister signs us with when we are baptized. What if every day was Ash Wednesday and everybody could see the mark of Christ on us all the time? How would that change us? How would our relationships change? How would the perceptions that others have of us be impacted?

"The Family Crest" - Photo by Trista Wynne

Lord, I wonder about Your people – those who go by Your name in this area tend to blend in. We don’t let Your mark be shown except on merchandise. We buy crafts and jewelry and t-shirts and mugs with Your Family Crest, but we neglect the deeper call to reflect the Family Name through our actions and lifestyle.

It seems that we are about as loyal to You as to any brand name or sports team. We can become as defensive regarding creed and liturgy as devoted sports fans or apple users are when their team or product is challenged. And yet, sadly, that defense is about as deep as the devotion goes.

How ecstatic sports fans get if they come face to face with the players they obsess over! Will the same be true of Your peoples? Is it true today?

If we truly are followers of Your Way, Beloved, and we believe Your Word, then we will see Your reflection in every person, animal and plant throughout the world. And if that is true then we encounter You every day. Can we say that we are devoted to You and yet neglect or reject our fellow human beings, our fellow animals, or the rest of creation? How utterly absurd!

So, Beloved, what would life be like if Your Family Crest was visible on our foreheads? At the very least we would be known as ambassadors in Your world, for good or for ill. But, if we instead are in deep enough relationship with You to take devotion beyond the superficial, then we will allow our lives to be molded into the perfect reflection of Your love, and that is how Your Family crest – the cross – would become visible in the world.

Ah, Beloved, let it be so! May our Family be known for the thoughts, words and actions which reflect Your great love for the entire creation: people, animals, earth and plants alike. Mold and shape us into Your image once again. May all things be found dripping Your glory and bearing Your Family Crest, through the Holy Spirit, in Jesus’ name, amen.

A Bit of Sunshine: Beholding the Light Pouring in through the Window

Ah, sunshine! As you pour into our windows, filling these rooms with light, all of the creatures in our household are drawn to you. The ladybugs in the windowsill come out of their hiding, breaking forth with joy and zipping around our apartment. Our kitties stretch and yawn, leaping from the softness of their beds to find comfort in the warmth of your rays, and the geranium leaves spread wide, pulling the stalk closer to where you are.

"Basking in the Light" - Photo by Trista Wynne

Dear Beloved, as I consider Your precious gift of sunshine, I ponder the gift which You call us to be: the light of the world – vivid reflections of Your own Light and Life. When we are putting all of our energy into the work of Your Kingdom and reflecting Your incarnational ministry through our thoughts, words and actions, I wonder if the rest of the world will stop and take notice, like my household takes note of the sunshine today. Will people be drawn toward Your light in our lives as our kitties are to the sunlight?

The business-like model and measurement of “effectiveness” used in many churches suggests so. But sometimes, Beloved, I wonder if, rather than serving and loving you, this way of performance-focused ministry is really serving a false manifestation of You. Maybe it’s idolatrous… I wonder, Beloved, because when I read the gospels, I see a lot of rejection of the True Light of Your Kingdom. What makes me think that my ministry will, or should, be any different?

I also think, though, that for a time, You did have many who followed and sought after You: the weak, the poor the unclean, the infirm, the despised, the widows, the orphans, the foreigners – all of these were drawn to You. Even a few of the feared soldiers, scorned tax collectors and powerful rulers sought Your counsel. Still, all of them, even Your closest friends, fled, or even worse, betrayed You into the hands of wickedness.

Oh, Beloved, thank You that the story does not end there! Much is yet to be revealed regarding the Light, Your Light, which shines from everlasting to everlasting. We, dear Lord, only have a small window through which to see. Thank You for guiding and encouraging us when our view is limited. Thank You for still choosing to shine through Your world-wide church, even when some sections appear to neglect reflecting You outward from their midst. Thank You for giving even simple servants, like me, a bit of Your light, and for showing us, though Your Spirit of Wisdom and Grace, how to shine.

May the light You have given, and the tasks You have prepared for us to accomplish, bring glory for Your holy name, O Lord, my King. And for the people whom You have given to us in order that we might love them as You love us: may they experience joy, warmth and peace in our presence just as our kitties receive these things through the light of Your sunshine. Amen.

Rest & Reconnection: Thanksgiving & Hope for Peace

Good afternoon, Beloved ~

The sunshine You are providing today is marvelous! Thank You for this glorious gift of grace and joy! Thank You for this day on which to rest and reflect on You!

Thank You for the gift of my husband. When I rest in the crook of his strong, gentle arms and listen to his heartbeat while my head lays on his chest, I find reflection of Your love. Thank You, Beloved, for speaking to me in this way. I pray that I, too, might become a tangible reflection of Your love here for many. May the words that I write, speak and sing, and the actions of my head, heart, hands and feet produce an abundance of fruit for Your Garden on the earth.

Thank You for this day of rest and reconnection!

"Reconnection" - Photo by Trista Wynne

For my friends, my sisters and brothers of many backgrounds who have trouble feeling close to You, O Beloved, surround them with compassion and grace! Raise up many to love on Your behalf. For those who feel ashamed or alone, O Lord, restore; reveal Yourself and let Your face shine through us who are called by Your name. O Christ, grant Your seekers the compassion to love in Your way; expand out hearts, minds and hands so we can reflect You to the ends of the earth. O Spirit of Life, grant wisdom and courage to the leaders of all the nations; infuse each one with the desire for peace and reconciliation so all peoples can enter Your Presence.

May all enemies be reconciled and striving cease to the ends of the earth! May all peoples be drawn to You and Love be known by all! May we unite and work together to reveal Your Kingdom through Your Holy Spirit, in Jesus’ name, amen.