Ah, Tax Day!

Last night I found myself standing in the procrastinator's line at the post office.  The majority of the people who were mailing in their checks for the state department of revenue wrestled with the stamp printing machine, trying to figure out what kind of printed stamp to buy in order to receive the "postmark" of the 15th of April.  Three different people tried three different options, running up small bills on their credit cards before they figured out which option was the correct one.

As the line grew longer and began to snake around the lobby, one might have expected an attitude of grief or anxiety to pervade the atmosphere.  A funny thing happened, though.  Among the folks waiting in line as the seconds turned to minutes and quarter hours and so on, jokes about the drabness of color on the walls or the need for a clown or balloons began to bubble up.  No one was impatient with anyone else.  And when the discovery was made regarding which option was necessary to get the date printed on the stamp, great rejoicing erupted.  The person who made the discovery, (with the help of at least three other people looking at the screen with them) was so delighted that they had finally figured out the system, they stayed to help nearly half a dozen other people behind them so the process could move faster from there.

We discovered that you had to buy three stamps at a time, so those who had only one or two envelopes that needed the date-stamped postage shared with those who had been standing in line behind them.  Wishing one another a "happy tax day", we worked together to lift one another's moods and each person in the line helped the person or two behind them to navigate the silly machine.  I was struck by the presence of the joy and compassion in that small, whitewashed government office.  Christ is sometimes found in the most unlikely of places.  For me, on tax day, Christ was found in the little post office in my hometown.

Ah, Beloved,
You have a way of popping up unexpectedly.  Your Spirit of compassion is present in places we might not think to look for Her.  Surely you surprise us with your grace when we least expect it to come our way.  During this Holy Week, I pray that everyone might catch a reflection of You in our fellow human beings, in the love of our animals or in the glory of your creation.  May we all be captivated by your Spirit of grace and compassion, and may we strive to make Her presence felt more palpably everywhere we go, in Jesus' name, amen.

Offering - Lent 2014, Week 1

Gracious Creator, I am no longer my own but yours. Put me to what you will; rank me with whom you will. Let me be employed by you or laid aside, exalted for you or brought low. Let me be full, let me be empty. Let me have all things, let me have nothing. I yield all things to your pleasure and disposal. (from John Wesley's Covenant Prayer)

Tonight, I am meditating on these words and wondering about the implications of praying in such a way.  Are we able to honestly pray these words?  Do we invite Divine to truly shape and mold us?  Do we truly desire to be like the One many of us know as the Christ? Are we willing to be laid aside, brought low and to become completely empty of ego and self-seeking?

It's easy to pray for half of these things -- to invite abundance, exaltation and fullness. That, however, is only part of the prayer.  To walk the Lenten road -- to invite times of unemployment, times of scorn or rejection, times of emptiness, loneliness or darkness without turning away in fear is to open ourselves up to the rest of the story.  In many spiritual traditions, the faithful are invited into times of fasting, meditation and prayer. 

My husband’s tribe, like many of our Native brethren, sends young men (and sometimes women) into the wilderness to learn their spiritual calling, to develop their courage, to conquer fear, and to open themselves up to adulthood.  Food or drink is limited or cut-off before the journey, and the seeker becomes a finder of themselves and Divine.  When they return, a feast is prepared, and initiation rituals commence.  They often receive a new name as they sing the song that they receive from their guardian(s) and enter the fullness of adulthood. 

Likewise, our tribal friends in Mexico participate in times of fasting from certain foods and activities as they prepare to journey to sacred sites asking for wisdom, guidance, healing and help that they can bring back to their people.  Pilgrims along the journey often encounter strong resistance both from inside themselves and from forces of nature as part of their learning and strengthening.  This is true for many of our ancestral traditions throughout the world.

Despite the ancestral invitation to participate in such emptying, I admit that I struggle to pray in this way.  It is difficult to invite Divine Love to compress me into something that feels makes me feel useless, laid aside or empty.  It seems counter-intuitive.  This prayer and the practice of fasting and releasing our own desires is certainly counter-cultural.  It certainly strikes a blow to our ego when we intentionally invite blank space into our existence.  We must face our fear that tells us once we completely release what we have, offering everything into the hands of the One who gave it in the first place, we might not ever get it back.

Ah, fear - that four letter word prevents many a devout person from entering into the depth of Relationship they so desperately long for.  I am far from alone in this struggle.  It is a cultural reality in this “self-made-millionaire” society.  Fear is everywhere, but it often wears a mask.  We all have our secret fears.  One of mine is the fear of becoming useless.

I desire to impact others for the better.  I desire to help.  I desire to do.  I desire to become someone of significance.  I do not want to be forgotten or cast aside.  I do not want my mind to cease remembering or my body to cease functioning.  I do not wish for my voice to be taken or for my comprehension to become muddled.  And I recognize that each of these statements, even those with seemingly beneficial intent, there is a propensity towards fear.

As I consider all that I have written thus far today, I return to the prayer.  Are the words of John Wesley more than I can pray tonight?  And yet, the closer I draw to the One I call "Beloved," the more intensely I hear the invitation to pray this way echoing in my soul.

Maybe I long to pray this gripping prayer because I long to trust.  I want to trust.  I want to believe that, should any of these things ever happen to me, I would not truly be cast off or ignored or rejected or forgotten.  Do I struggle to trust God, or do I struggle with the trust of God's people?  Although the two are often linked, they are not at all the same.

Beloved,  

I want to trust that my worth is not inherently wrapped up in what I do.  I want to trust that I will continue to be loved and valued even when I can no longer contribute to society in the ways I am used to.  I deeply desire to see Light and Love flowing so freely through your peoples that no one would be afraid to pray these words.

You know my fears.  You know my longings.  You know how deeply I desire to connect with You.  Every day I yearn for more of You, and every day I wish to offer You more of myself. Perhaps one day I will be completely willing and able to pray Wesley's prayer.  For now, I trust that You meet me where I am, and somehow I feel that my desire to pray is as pleasing to You as the actual prayer itself.  I am grateful for your Love and I long to bring You joy.

Vacuuming, Planting and the Intangibility of Ministry

In the last couple of months, a good portion of my time has been dedicated to helping to develop a contemplative prayer service on Wednesday nights in my worship community and aiding in the guidance and supervision of religious development of senior high youth in an inter-religious fellowship.  Online development of blogs, social media networking and the planning and implementation of worship services all take time.  The effectiveness of this spent time, however, is not always able to be quantified or evaluated.  The support of ministry is somewhat intangible.

During this time frame since my weekday job came to an end, I have used a large portion of my time in soul-searching, the tending and healing of old wounds, evaluation of my intended career pathway(s) and filling out applications and online inquiries for job postings that look like they may be fulfilling for me.  Since I have not yet found a position that fills these weekdays, much of my free time has gone towards housekeeping and self-care.  Just as the support ministries listed above, neither of these things are really able to be evaluated.  Although a clean house is nice, it doesn't stay that way for long.

While vacuuming this morning, my soul once more was directing its attention to our Creator.  I was inquiring about the direction in which to travel to bring economic security to our household (although my husband is working full-time, I need to bring in at least a partial income to supplement what he provides while I await my ordination and, hopefully, full-time ministry work).  Continuing in my housework, I simply watch and wait on the Beloved's response.  The Spirit had something to say today as the vacuum passed to and fro on the office carpet.

All is intangible, She whispered.  All that I have called you to in this time is preparing you for the intangibility of ministry.  You plant the seeds of faith in every kind of soil that I place in front of you.  You preach and teach, you hold the hands of the wounded and broken, you guide and advise the peoples who are looking for direction, you pray for everyone you see and hear, and you point people towards My work in your midst.  But that is as far as your work can go.  Everything else is up to Me.

My thoughts turned towards the bulbs I planted last fall and those that I added to the soil this fall.  Not all of them will sprout.  Some have already been stolen by the squirrels who need a little extra sustenance for their winter nests.  Others simply do not have the DNA structure within them to support a full blossom in the warm months.  A couple of them have already started to sprout and their tiny shoots will be frozen over when the winds of winter blow through.  I have no control over any of those factors.  Granted, I can cover the ground with chicken wire or stones to attempt to thwart the advances of the squirrels, and I can insulate the tender shoots with peat moss and leaves to try and protect them from winter's effects.  But, in these preventative measures, my options are limited simply on account of our dwelling in a rental property.

Planting in my Garden - Photo by Trista Wynne

I understand why some church leaders and certain personalities are drawn towards the tangibility of membership numbers and financial contributions.  These things are quantifiable.  They can be judged and thus give some people a goal towards which to proceed.  We've saved x number of souls this month and baptized y converts, some might boast.  Our staff includes more people than you have attending your congregation, another might say.  Competition sets in and self-assurance soars -- that is, until the numbers begin to decline and self-identity begins to spiral downward.

The ministry that Jesus calls me to is not one that appeals to that sort of power jockeying.  My identity can not be based on such things.  I have come to learn that my self-image needs to stand on its own, content to be dwelling in the arms of our Beloved.

Perhaps this is why I have been called into this time of transitional rest.  As my soul and mind are gently healed from the wounds of old and I am working towards ordination, I am called to lay my cares and concerns into the hands of the One who is guiding my path.  I am simply called into Relationship.  This is my preparation for ministry, so that I can firmly say with the apostles of old:

For my part, I am going to boast about nothing but the Cross of our Master, Jesus Christ. Because of that Cross, I have been crucified in relation to the world, set free from the stifling atmosphere of pleasing others and fitting into the little patterns that they dictate. Can’t you see the central issue in all this? It is not what you and I do—submit to circumcision, reject circumcision. It is whatGod is doing, and he is creating something totally new, a free life! All who walk by this standard are the true Israel of God—his chosen people. Peace and mercy on them! (Gal. 6:14-16, The Message)

A Pleasant Pumpkin Day

Pumpkin Carving with the Youth

It's been a very pleasant, pumpkin-filled and quite beautiful day today. I am offering thanksgiving for the continued gorgeous sunshine, for the gift of the harvest season, for the fun of fellowship in my spiritual communities, for reconnecting/date-time with my husband and the gift of musical endeavors book-ending the day.

My husband helps his
brother on the trampoline.

Last night, my brother-in-law stayed with us.  He is always a joy to have visit!  Since he views the world through a very different lens (developmental delays and visual impairment) we are reminded to slow down and to enjoy the simple things in life, like the feel of a giant stuffed tiger, the gift of balance on a trampoline, the vibrations of the bass through a small amp and the smell of a pumpkin spice candle.  A gentle rap-a-tap on a hand drum, the springiness of a slinky and a little music (played either at his hands or ours) will keep him happy for hours.  The joy of our Beloved is certainly evident in my precious brother-in-law.  For him, I am incredibly thankful.

Murray Hills Christian Church

Worship at my home church this morning was awesome. It was great to have the whole worship team back together again -- the first time we've *all* been together since the beginning of the summer. (One day I'll get a picture of the whole team to share here.) We were blessed by a wonderful harvest display near our baptistry. Between the surrounding beauty, the presence of a tiny new baby in our congregation and the worship team's heart-felt harmony this morning, I felt deeply connected to You, Beloved.  Thank You for Your presence in our midst!

My youth aren't afraid to
get their hands a little dirty.

My guitar was left at home for my kitty to curl up with and I was off to hang out with the wonderful Unitarian Universalist Senior High Youth I co-advise this year. We carved pumpkins and talked about Halloween traditions and family endeavors. The group joyfully welcomed a new friend into our midst and got our hands quite dirty!

Pumpkin smashing
at the Green Dragon
Killer Pumpkin Brewfest

After lunch, my husband and I headed to the east side of Portland for the Killer Pumpkin Festival.  We watched the smashing of giant pumpkins by the highest bidder, took in the sounds of the Oompa Band and sampled several different delightful pumpkin brews.  Some of our local brewing companies make great pumpkin beer!  I am thankful for the joy of this time with my husband.  Doing something completely unexpected, like swinging a sledgehammer at a pumpkin on a stump and sampling some new tastes is certainly a blessing.

Deep belly laughter filled our afternoon together, and then we returned to our church for worship team practice.  Later we had the sanctuary to ourselves, just us and our Beloved.  I played my guitar and my husband played the drum set.  We played with all of our might - a wonderful gift of freedom since we usually practice our music in our apartment and are always considerate of our neighbors.  Body, mind and spirit were united in glorious, freeing worship together.

Your Spirit, Beloved, was palpably present with us today.  I am deeply thankful.  I am truly blessed.

The Purpose of Faith: Interfaith Dialogue & Responding to Darkness in the World

Photo by Trista Wynne

Offering our fellow human beings hope, love and light when they are in the midst of deep despair, pain and darkness -- this is one of the highest callings of humanity.  I wrote this on the Facebook wall of one of my youth just a few minutes ago.  I serve as youth adviser in a Unitarian Universalist Fellowship on Sunday mornings following my service and musical offerings in our Christian Church because I have a high value on interfaith dialogue and study.

I originally hopped online this morning thinking I might post a response to Boston from a Christian perspective, in particular from a Christian leader’s perspective as I am a seminary-trained woman preparing for the possibility of ordination and pastoral leadership.  But then I read my youth’s post about an interaction they’d had with a stranger where they were thanked afterwards for being the brightest moment in the past year of my life and for enlightening me with your perspective of the world.  And I was reminded that no matter what our faith tradition is, one of our highest callings is the offering towards our fellow human beings of hope, love and light in the midst of great despair, pain and darkness.  So, my post this morning is shaped a little differently than originally intended.

Tears, Fears & Pondering the big "D"

4 a.m. -- Woke up from a nightmare about my parents' death.  Tears are flowing freely...

My dream brings a number of questions to light. Like, who do you call, exactly, when your parents both have DNR wishes? Do you still call 9-1-1 and have them send the police and a coroner? Which pastor do I call? (Mine or theirs? Both?) What about their pets? Who do I call to take care of them? How do I manage the situation if I have the kiddos I nanny with me? (We all go visit them a couple times a week.) How do I contact my family members? How do you share something like that over the phone?

Who am I in this situation? Daughter? Chaplain? Will my family look to me for spiritual guidance? Will my pastoral presence matter to them? Will I be so overwhelmed with grief that I can be of no help to them? Will they resent me for that later?

I guess we all have to deal with questions like these sooner or later. Now is simply my time. I'm mentally preparing and processing in the dark of the night. Fear, I realize, has very little to do with the reality that they might pass from this life to the next at any point. The part of the dream that made it nightmarish was my anxiety about the "what next" or "what now" questions swirling about. I post because I figure that gaining some insight will help to calm those fears. Then I will feel more prepared when the time comes...

A Note of Gratitude

Beloved,

I want to express my gratitude for Your Presence this weekend.  As I traveled north for a couple of days, You used the time to clear the air.  You filled my lungs with the Breath of Your Spirit and wrapped Your arms about me through the embraces from my brothers and sisters in Christ.

I am incredibly thankful for this breath of fresh air and the peace You gave me during this time.  I am filled with joy in the presence of my brother and sisters who have prayed with me for many years.  Snuggling on the couch, mulling over the life questions, wondering together what You are in the midst of doing in our lives, and allowing the questions to linger -- without simple platitudes or easy answers, without context-less Scripture passages and promises that have no backing -- simply listening together to Your silence.  That is exactly what I needed.

I am thankful.

For the music and the prayers and the welcome of my St Thomas family, for the love and the joy and the smiles, for the way You met me in the bread and the wine and the arms of my brothers and sisters, I am very thankful.  I wept with joy at the Eucharist table.  My spirit danced in the midst of the crowd.  I could have sprouted wings and flown to the rooftops in the breaking of bread and pouring forth of the wine.

Thank You for meeting me there.

Thank You for bringing me home.

Thank You.

Thank You.

Thank You.

Praying with the Church

Today, while the baby I nanny sleeps in the next room, I join my brothers and sisters throughout the world walking through the Order of Holy Eucharist in the Book of Common Prayer.  In particular, I join my sisters and brothers at St Thomas Medina where I served as Children's and Youth Intern over this last summer.  They have a mid-week Eucharist service at ten o'clock every week.  I have been a part of their worshipping community for two and a half years.  Now I join them from a different state, but my spirit continues to be with them.  So, today I am reading along with them.

I have come to the part in the service where the Prayers of the People are being offered up.  We are called to pray:

• For the Universal Church, its members and its mission
• For the Nation and all in authority
• For the welfare of the world
• For the concerns of the local community
• For those who suffer and those in any trouble
• For the departed and those who grieve

And so, let us join together in prayer: 

Beloved,

We ask for Your Church to be comprehensive in vision, open in inclusion, willing in service, quick to love and slow to judge.  We ask for hope and light and wisdom to be poured out upon the world in Jesus' name through Your Church.  And we pray for the same to come to pass through the world towards Your Church so that all in Your service will recall that You are Lord over all the earth.

We pray for our nation, torn in battle over who is the greatest.  We pray for wisdom and discernment for all who are in leadership.  We pray for our president, for our senators, for our congress-folk, for all in the administrative cabinet, for all who are in service to our country, for our mayors and governors, our state leaders, our tribal councils, and all elected and influential people.  Beloved, may the work of Your Kingdom: the Kingdom of peace, love, light and grace become evident through the words and actions of our leaders.  May we seek justice, love mercy and abide in steadfast love and faithfulness as a nation.  May we not turn our backs on the poor, the oppressed, the alien, the widow, the mistreated, the social outcast, the mentally ill, the physically disabled or any other people group.  May we work diligently as a nation to remove poverty, to pursue social equity, to provide health and mental health coverage to all regardless of gender, race, creed, sexual orientation or legal status.  May we learn not to discriminate against our neighbors, but to embrace them in love and respect.  In these ways, the world may know that You are here.

We pray for the world.  We lift up our sisters and brothers from all nations who are feeling the effects of war, poverty, abusive regimes, tyranny, genocide and all kinds of horrific atrocities that make Your heart sick.  We pray that You will work through the governments of the world to restore justice and mercy to the ends of the earth.  We pray for the women throughout the world who do not have equal access to education: may true equality be seen throughout the world!  We pray for all who are bullied or ostracized on account of sexual orientation: may discrimination and mistreatment cease!  We pray for children who are abused or neglected: may they no longer slip under the radar of a broken system!  May Your light shine brightly to expose the problems in our systems, and may Your Light and Wisdom be granted to all of us so that we might work together to fix what is broken in our societies.  Then all may know that You are God.

We pray for our own cities and towns.  We ask for You to again help us to pursue justice and equity in our neighborhoods, in our congregations, in our community centers, in our work places, in our homes and in our schools.  We pray for Your Holy Spirit to guide our interactions with all whom we meet.  May Your light shine so brightly through us that the people around us may see and know that You are Love.

We pray for the wounded.  We lift up the mentally ill.  We pray for the grieving.  We pray for our brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, grandparents and parents, neighbors and friends who are struggling financially, emotionally, physically or mentally.  We pray for those who are in need of surgery, for those who cannot afford health care and therefor neglect their bodies to the point that they cannot be mended and for those who cannot afford mental health coverage.  We pray for all who do not yet know that they have a terminal illness.  We pray for the doctors, the nurses and the entire healthcare teams throughout the world who are working to provide care and searching for better treatments for the illnesses that plague all of us.  We pray for the animals You created: may they be treated with dignity and respect.  May those who are raised for food be ethically treated and receive good lives.  May those who enter our homes and our properties as domestic animals receive love, proper nutrition and care.  May those who have suffered abuse and neglect be rescued and find better homes!  May any organization that allows or promotes the abuse or neglect of Your creatures be exposed and destroyed.  May all of Your creatures be viewed as beautiful and seen as gifts of Your grace, works of Your hand and therefore loved and honored in Your name.

We pray for hospice workers: nurses, chaplains, volunteers and therapists of all kinds.  May they receive abundant grace, be filled with great wisdom and be treated with deep gratefulness by all.  We pray for the dying, that they might receive therapies, herbs and medicine that will ease their pain and discomfort.  We pray that they might receive all the treatments they need to ease their transition from this life to the next.  We pray for the chaplains and spiritual leaders who minister to them and to their families.  We pray for those who have already passed from life to Life, that they might receive a gentle repose and may know the Love and Light and Peace that is your own heart.  May we all be reunited in You when the time is proper.

In Jesus' name through the Holy Spirit we pray, 

Amen.

Experiencing a Season of Pruning

This morning began with dark clouds, both inside and out, but the dishes got done, I ate and showered and prepared for the day anyway. At St Thomas Episcopal this morning, Father Lex spoke on Jesus' parable of the vine and branches. When he said that part of abiding in Jesus is embracing the pruning and letting go of the parts of our lives that are dying, my tears spilled over. 

Letting go when someone you love is on a timeline...dear God...it's not a pleasant road...fear, anxiety, grief, indigestion, deep sadness, anger, questions -- all follow me everywhere.  Yet, for a bit of time on this day that began so dark, though, the clouds lifted.

After Eucharist we pray for one another with the laying on of hands and anointing oil. Thank God for this precious service! Sun broke through, a little at a time, both inside and out. I'm thankful for these moments and even hours of light and love while I walk the road of shadows. I'm very thankful for this precious community of faith.

Dreaming of Home

Then I considered all that...hands had done
and the toil...spent in doing it,
 all was vanity and a chasing after wind,
and there was nothing to be gained under the sun.
~ Eccl. 2:11 ~

Yesterday, in the wee hours of the morning, I dreamed that my husband and I were looking for an apartment complex, looking for a home where we belonged.

Photo by
Matthew Wynne

We began near many large, elegant looking buildings where sports cars gleamed and jewels were strewn about well-manicured lawns.  Gardeners baked in the sun.  Maids wilted on front porches.  Striving, oppression and emptiness were there.

We drove to the darker side of town.  Oil can fires burned bright.  Dogs barked and fought.  Distant sounds children wailing echoed off the barren walls.  Striving, oppression and emptiness were there.

The road curved.  Nearing a forested area with deer peacefully enjoying their bits of grass, we came to a stop by a little apartment housing made of dark, well-weathered cherry-wood.  The keys were drawn from the ignition and our feet reached for the bark chips on the ground.  Hand reached for hand.  There we stood, taking in the serenity around us.  We breathed in deeply and walked towards the buildings for a closer look.

Born to be a Healer

Psalm 139:13
Photo by friend Justin Foltz
Used with permission.

One of my dear friends and prayer partners who is working as a Bible translator in Asia mailed a special book to me for the holidays.  I just received it yesterday.  The book is entitled Whispers of His Word: Encountering Jesus.  It is a journal with brief verses and writing prompts to focus us in on the heart of God.

Last night I read the introduction and turned to the first entry page.  There I found Psalm 139:13.

For You created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother's womb.

The prayer prompt begins by addressing our Lord as the creative, loving father who crafted us in our mother's womb and knew every fiber of our being before we even took our first breath beginning a journey of self-discovery that lasts throughout our lives.  Daddy, Papa, Abba, You made me so wonderful.  Why?

The lines in the journal remained blank as I simply breathed deeply and asked the Holy Spirit to come and touch me:   

Come, Sophia, Creative Energy, Dancing Child.  
Come, draw near and whisper in my ear.  
Come, draw close, and fill me with Your presence.  
Come, and let me draw near to You.

A Lovely Visit

Beloved,

You have created us to be in community, to find friends and to be in relationship with other human beings.  I am so blessed to have been visited by one of your beautiful daughters this afternoon.  In all the months that it has been since my husband and I have been away from the church we attended for several years, this was the first time that one of the congregants have contacted us directly and asked to simply get together.  What a joy it was to have her over!  And what a delightful surprise for her to bring me flowers and cookies, too! 

Church: Branches, Zombies, Fire & Life

Beloved,

My allegiance is to You above all.  I trust that You are in Your Church, no matter how divided it may seem.  I wish, Lord, that denominational (and non-denominational) branches would not exclude one another, but would have more interaction.  Each individual congregation strives for their own vision, their own purpose, and their own future.  Do they not realize that we are all one in You?

"Thirsty Tree" - Photo by Trista Wynne

This pointless striving against one another, whether overtly or in undercurrents, has sadly been our legacy from the beginning.

The Kingdom, Clay & Embryos in the Womb: Reflecting on Change & Shaping of the Future

Beloved,

Transitions are difficult and hard on the heart even when we know the decisions are right. With Frankincense shifting to an “unplugged” version of meeting with lower frequency, the majority of our Sunday evenings will open up but it means we must say farewell to the way things have been. Maybe this will enable me to do the missiological work which You have been fairly clearly prompting me to do since You have been developing in me a heart for the un-churched. Maybe You have something completely different in store for us all than we had envisioned for ourselves. Maybe this is true for more than simply the place in which we worship; maybe it is true of our lives as well.

In a sermon given last week by our dear friend and pastor in Beaverton, the image of being a lump of clay was lifted up as one of the most difficult yet necessary ways in which we as human beings are referenced in the Bible. We, as he said, have a hard time accepting this reality, for we are indoctrinated by our culture to believe that we do (or should) control our own movements and shaping. Simply laying in Your hands and allowing You to mold us into something new is counter-intuitive to us once we emerge from the womb.

"In the Potter's Hands" - Photo by Trista Wynne

No wonder You said we must be born anew to enter the Kingdom! And no wonder Lady Julian saw all of creation as encompassed in Your Divine womb! We must return to a place of complete connection with You so that we can be birthed into a new life of trust, freedom and abundance. As long as we are trying to shape ourselves, we are not relying on You, and so we are not able to reach our full potential because only You know what fullness of life really means.

I know, Beloved, many who read the rest of this prayer will have difficulty joining me in this exercise of trust since the earthquakes in Japan and the Tsunamis that followed are still so fresh in our minds. News of wars, famines and pestilence floods our minds when we turn on our electronics, and we find ourselves battling depression, anxiety and all sorts of disharmony. But in a world of tension and fear, where chaos and disturbance threaten the shalom You so deeply desire, I feel You calling me, and calling the world, to seek comfort in You. Although there are forces acting in opposition to Your desires for peace, health and wholeness, whenever Your messengers of truth come into the world, their greeting is always “fear not”. May we all learn to live in fullness of trust that in the end You will make everything right.

And so, dear Potter, desiring to trust You more and desiring to enter the fullness of the Kingdom while becoming more fully present here on the earth, I simply lay down my expectations of myself, of my future, of my relationships, of my worshipping community, and of the world around me. May I, and all that I carry, be as clay in Your hands or as an embryo in Your uterus. Let it all take shape as You so desire. Through the Holy Spirit, in Jesus’ name I pray, amen.

The Family Crest: A Reflection on Ash Wednesday

What if our crosses were always visible? No, I’m not talking about the gold-plated ones we chain around our necks after shelling out a bunch of cash! I’m talking about the ones on our foreheads, the ones that the minister signs us with when we are baptized. What if every day was Ash Wednesday and everybody could see the mark of Christ on us all the time? How would that change us? How would our relationships change? How would the perceptions that others have of us be impacted?

"The Family Crest" - Photo by Trista Wynne

Lord, I wonder about Your people – those who go by Your name in this area tend to blend in. We don’t let Your mark be shown except on merchandise. We buy crafts and jewelry and t-shirts and mugs with Your Family Crest, but we neglect the deeper call to reflect the Family Name through our actions and lifestyle.

It seems that we are about as loyal to You as to any brand name or sports team. We can become as defensive regarding creed and liturgy as devoted sports fans or apple users are when their team or product is challenged. And yet, sadly, that defense is about as deep as the devotion goes.

How ecstatic sports fans get if they come face to face with the players they obsess over! Will the same be true of Your peoples? Is it true today?

If we truly are followers of Your Way, Beloved, and we believe Your Word, then we will see Your reflection in every person, animal and plant throughout the world. And if that is true then we encounter You every day. Can we say that we are devoted to You and yet neglect or reject our fellow human beings, our fellow animals, or the rest of creation? How utterly absurd!

So, Beloved, what would life be like if Your Family Crest was visible on our foreheads? At the very least we would be known as ambassadors in Your world, for good or for ill. But, if we instead are in deep enough relationship with You to take devotion beyond the superficial, then we will allow our lives to be molded into the perfect reflection of Your love, and that is how Your Family crest – the cross – would become visible in the world.

Ah, Beloved, let it be so! May our Family be known for the thoughts, words and actions which reflect Your great love for the entire creation: people, animals, earth and plants alike. Mold and shape us into Your image once again. May all things be found dripping Your glory and bearing Your Family Crest, through the Holy Spirit, in Jesus’ name, amen.

Welcome Home: On the Communion of Saints Past and Present

“Welcome home!” This was the greeting I received from one of the beloved elder women at St Thomas’ Episcopal this morning as we gathered for the mid-week Eucharist. I was deeply moved in my spirit by the heart-felt greeting and warm embrace of the wonderful woman in red. “Where have you been?!” she exclaimed, “we’ve missed you!”

What a greeting that was! Having been absent for two weeks on account of a disabled vehicle, I was quickly swept into open arms after open arms and greeted with prayers and blessings for peace. Part of that is incorporated into the service in the passing of the peace, but the emotion behind these greetings was far more than I had anticipated, and I was overwhelmed by the hospitality of this simple community gathering. One might have thought that I had been out of their midst for several months.

Oh Lord, what a blessing these people are to me! What a compassionate, prayerful, loving community you have placed nearby! How open and inclusive they are!

Ah, Beloved, they reflect Your light into the world and they bring out the God-flavors in me. O Sophia-Spirit, thank You for breathing into them. Through this mid-week Eucharist gathering, I am reminded of Your love.

"Papa's Love" - Photo by Trista Wynne

Thank You, Papa, also for my dear professor at Fuller, who that same evening, paused from his work to listen to my concerns regarding direction and call, and who approached Your throne of grace together with me. Bless this wonderful, dedicated, compassionate being with even more wisdom, grace and compassion than this one already has, and help them to accomplish all of the tasks they have before them. May they be filled with assurance and peace as the term continues to rush forward.

Thank You, Lord. Thank You for the joyful smiles and laughter and snuggles of the little child I was able to be with, who joined You in the realm of eternity six years ago today. All of us who are left surely do miss him, and wish we could see him growing up, but for whatever reason, this will not happen here on the earth…

I think of the welcome that I received from the blessed woman this morning, and the grace, peace and compassion extended to me by my professor this evening, and I know that You have been working through them all. If I can feel Your presence so strongly through others here, I wonder how awesome it must have been for that dear child to come into the fullness of Your presence. “Welcome home!” that dear one must have heard, “we’ve missed you!” What warmth and grace and love must emanate from You for that little one!

If we who remain here have such strong feelings of love and longing, how much greater must Your desires be for those who do not allow You to embrace them! Oh Lord, You must be so anguished by so many people. I pray deeply for their restoration into Your presence so they might feel Your love! I know that You reveal Yourself in many ways to many different people groups in a variety of cultures, and I know that You uniquely revealed Your relationship to us as Papa-God through Your Beloved Christ, and that Your Sophia-Spirit is dancing among us even now to make this revelation clear. There are many, even in the churches that bear Your name, who do not understand what this relationship means for us, nor for the world around us. Oh, Beloved, let us hear Your heartbeat tonight. Let us climb up and snuggle You, and allow ourselves to be snuggled! Help us all to rest well in Jesus’ name, amen.

On the Presence of God in Community: A Prayer after Conversation

"Simple Offering" - Photo by Matthew Wynne

Thank You, Lord, for blessing others through my simple act of baking this afternoon. Thank You for honoring my work even when I felt lethargic this morning. Thank You for soft, sweet kitties and warm snuggles and friends to talk to. Thank You for quiet time this evening to be with You.

Thank You that I can honestly come to You in all of my emotions, with all of the concerns, frustrations, excitements, confusions, disappointments, fears, delights, sadness, joys, anxieties, tumults, loves, passions, laments and praises. Thank You for hearing our concerns for our families this evening. Thank You for acting even before we could know what You are up to in all of the situations we have seen, heard, discussed, lamented and rejoiced about in Your presence.

We leave these things in Your care, for You are fully capable of handling each one. We also desire to be active participants in Your Kingdom, Lord, so if You would like us to interact with one another or have a particular role in any of the concerns brought before You today, please help us to discern the next concrete steps to take. And if we are to simply wait and watch You work, please grant peace and encouragement. Let Your Sophia-Spirit flow like rivers, bringing justice, mercy and steadfast love in all things, and may we, like Jesus, pursue the things which make for peace and bring You glory.

Good night, Papa; let us sleep in Your peace. Amen.

On Being Human

"Holding Hands in Solidarity" - Photo by Trista Wynne

While reading “Being Human: Race, Culture & Religion”, and considering Dr. King’s dream that all might be equal, I wonder how far we’ve come. Not nearly far enough; that’s for sure! Lord, have mercy!

Hopkins says that his desire for freedom for all peoples flows forth out of his particularity – in his case, from being a second generation black theologian. I might very well say a similar thing regarding my personhood as a woman theologian with a liberation slant. And that, I think is where I am drawn into reflection this evening.

A woman in the empire – that is one way to describe me. I am a woman, and I was born into an empire, one that appears at this point to be on the verge of implosion. Whether or not that will happen in my lifetime remains to be seen, but one way or another, I, as a woman theologian with a liberation slant in the twenty-first century of our Lord, am called to play a specific role in the preparation or recovery. I may or may not have a large impact on a large number of people or any governmental structures, (I leave the specifics to my Beloved) but I do know for certain that I am to live as a light-bearer and bringer of hope. To a self-absorbed people group obsessed with success, I have been gifted with writing, art, poetry, song and, occasionally dance and speech, both as a critique and as a healing balm.

Out from my own heart, where experience, faith, observation and knowledge of my Beloved dwells, a river of tears flows forth, a veritable tidal wave of emotion, on behalf of a broken world because I, myself, know what it means to be broken.

I have never understood how people can walk out of the service on Good Friday and jovially enter into conversation with one another! Why would they leave You when You’re broken, my Love?! How can they turn their backs on You? Does Your Spirit not call to them? Aren’t they moved with deep distress by Your cries still echoing throughout the world?!

The whole world knows the pain of the cross – they feel it in their everyday lives. What they are lacking is the joy of Your resurrection and the power of Your freedom and love! But we, who were born into freedom, ignore their plight and thus we ignore our own joy, and we neglect love completely. You, Beloved, are rejected again and again; but still You call.

O Sweet Jesus, when will Your voice be heard? When will freedom and justice and peace and plenty be evenly distributed among the nations? When will we all know how intimately we are connected in You? When will we be free from fear and come to embrace the fullness of life in You?

O Precious Lover, share me with whomever You wish; I desire for You to be known and to release You to the world. O Spirit, Sophia, Comforter, Guide – spread the seeds of the Kingdom far and wide; I desire to labor together with You in the world. O Father, our Papa, our Blessed Creator, quicken my mind, spirit, body and heart; enliven them more fully so I can best serve You. Triune God who holds all of creation within the palm of Your hand, You love us with an everlasting love! I deeply desire to share this love with others; infuse me with an ever-deepening understanding (body, mind and spirit) of Your being. O let me become more like You, Love! Let there be less and less distinction between us so that others around me might see through me to You!

Disperse self-centeredness; infuse servant compassion. Disperse darkness; infuse light. Disperse death; infuse life. Amen.

Comfort and Thanksgiving in the Communion of Saints

The altar of the world, the intimacy of human touch, the smell of baking breads, the communion of saints, the reminder of the forgiveness of the sin of the world and the waiting together for the Lord in preparation to act for justice as a community bring me hope and comfort following the lament of the former post.

"Gentle Kneading" - Photo by Matthew Wynne

Papa-God,

Thank you. Thank You for the blustery walk today with my husband. Thank You for the meditation at Frankincense. Thank You for lounging kitties and soft couches. Thank You for electricity and running water, indoor plumbing and garbage collection. Thank you for the sweetness of sugar, the spice of cinnamon and the warmth of freshly baked cinnamon rolls on a chilly winter’s day. Thank You for pungent spices and healing balms, for sacred incense and candle light, the kick of wine and the communion of saints.

Thank You for brothers and sisters across the nations, spanning all times and stages of life. Thank You for connecting us all! May we know in our minds, feel in our hearts and experience in our bodies what it means for you to make us one as You, Jesus and the Spirit are One.

As the wind blows this evening, I remember that You, Beloved, told Your disciples that this would be the mark of the Spirit of Life: that we would not know where they have come from nor where they are going. I’m thankful that those who are born of Your Spirit embody this principle, for sometimes I do not know where I am from or where I am going. I take heart, comforted that You, O Spirit, know where You are leading me, leading my husband, and leading Your Church! May we be stirred up and led by You in Your good timing, and may we trust confidently in You whenever You do so, in Jesus’ name, amen!

Blessed Woman, Blessed Feet: A Reflection on Brazenness & Devotion to my Beloved

Photo by Trista Wynne

Beloved Jesus,
I have been considering Your feet as of late. When I was up late singing songs of hope in God, my Love, You were with me, even as You are now. But even more palpably I felt Your Spirit flowing through the room! And You touched my feet. You touched, caressed and kissed, and I wished for Your feet to be near me so I could do the same.

Oh the woman, the woman who washed Your feet with her tears: how very much she loved you! Oh woman, would I be bold like you? Would I ignore the cat-calls, the scornful glances and despicable chastisement for the sake of my Savior’s feet? Do I know from what I have been set free? Can I embrace His ankles and wipe the dirt with my hair like you? O saint! O woman! O teach me how to love as you love. May my devotion be as brazen as yours!

Ah, Beloved, I wish to know You more intimately. When this blessed woman touched You, did she catch Your eye? Did she smooth the roughness? Were Your feet dry, cracked and bleeding from Your walking in the desert sand? Did her tears clean Your wounds? Did her devotion awaken either of you? Were You filled to the brim with compassion and love?

How did You respond to her afterwards? Did you remain at the party while she went away? Did she leave quickly? Did she join the women of hospitality? Did You seek her out after the gathering was through? Did You know when You sat down that she was coming to You? Can I, like her, come to you, too?

My professor says You call us to the margins if we are to see You; this seems right to me. But what You have for each of us to experience there, in Your presence, might be very different from one person to another. I wonder, Lord, as I consider Your feet, how You might call me to bless the feet of another.

Whose feet will my hands caress and smooth? Whose feet will my hair brush against? Whose feet will I touch? Whose feet will I pour ointment over? Whose will I heal? Whose will I bless? Whose will I kiss?

O Lord, in all of them, let them be Yours! Amen.