Signs of New Life

Beloved ~

As we journey through the middle of the winter time, I have found it hard to remember the light of your love.  My soul has often felt like it was swirling in a thick fog or meandering about in the darkness, lacking direction and confidence.  Such have the months been since graduating from seminary and asking what is next.  Here, though, in these last few days, it seems that your Spirit has been stirring and opening new doors.  I have now sold my second painting: "The Tree of Life".  A shining reminder that You are in the midst of making all things new, I feel like you have affirmed my pathway of artistic and creative endeavors.  I am filled with peace.

Painting, "The Tree of Life" by Trista Wynne

In the same day, as I opened the door to walk onto our back patio, I noticed that the bulbs I planted shortly after we arrived in this place are now beginning to sprout!  I am so very thankful for these signs of new life and promise.  These simple signs remind me of your presence, even in the swirling questions regarding my purpose and the reasons for moving back to my childhood hometown.

The questions remain, but at least I don't feel like You are very far away.  Even if I have to continue waiting, I am comforted in the reminder that You are here, in the shadows and fog.  You are watching and waiting right alongside of me.

Perhaps that is the reminder that you gave during the epiphany so many years ago -- a sign of your love and light, your very Presence wrapped in human flesh, shining in the midst of the dark night.  You are not so very far from any of us, are you?  For all of these signs of new light and life, thank you.

Photo by Trista Wynne

Praise for Rest

Beloved ~

Thank You for this wonderful weekend filled with music-making, fellowship, rest, photography and peace.  Thank You for time with my family, time with my husband, time to myself, time with other musicians, time with other theologians, time with spiritual guides, time with our snugly kitties and time with You.  I am deeply grateful for this time.

I loved watching the kitties dart about in the chilly sunshine outside on our patio, and soaking in the sunny windowsill above the heater afterwards to warm up.  I loved playing silly games with my husband for several hours last night while we reclined together on the couch.  I loved meandering though the Chinese Garden in Portland earlier today and taking pictures with my husband along the way.

I loved having time to sit and rock in mom's rocking chair, reclining by my daddy's side and sharing funny memories together while they had their milkshakes and we had our burgers.  I loved sharing our gifts of music on Saturday and Sunday mornings to help Your peoples to worship You.  I love having people with whom to make music and share stories and consider Your works and words and love.

This four-day weekend was truly a blessing!  And Your sun shone through almost all of it.  For Your light I am incredibly grateful.  For this time, I am thankful.  For the people in my life, I am deeply thankful.  For the time I had with You on a long walk yesterday, I am very thankful.  For my degree which arrived in the mail this weekend, I am thankful.

I am simply thankful.

A Brief Thanksgiving

Beloved ~

Thank you for the sunshine today!

Thank you for the time I was able to spend with my husband and with my parents today.  Being with them all this morning and seeing my parents' eyes light up with joy over the toddler I nanny was a tremendous blessing!  I haven't seen them smile and laugh like that in a long time!

Photo by Trista Wynne

Thank you for the delight that the little child I nanny takes in life.  The child's spirit seems to rub off on all with whom they interact.  I pray this child never looses that quality!

Thank you for this time, Beloved.

Amen.

The Calling of Your Light

Beloved ~

The sun is shining brightly today, something it hasn't done in months.  Week after week, the dark clouds have hovered, threatening rain, reflecting the heaviness and teariness within me.  Today, though the clouds have parted; gentle breezes have carried them away, perhaps to some weary land desperately in need of moisture and shade.

Although the clouds have parted, my weariness remains...

Photo by Trista Wynne

A branch blocks the light, keeping our bedroom from being filled with the sunshine.  I'm tempted to run outside with a hacksaw or to break it off by hand.

My soul needs the light.  My eyes need the light.  My body, my heart, my mind need Your Light.

The light remains outside.  The sunshine's rays are filtered by the tree branches, only partially reaching my eyes.  And yet, even in this half-light, I am being comforted.  I find a smile beginning to tug at the corners of my mouth and my lungs filling a little deeper with Your Spirit.

Lightening my Spirit

This evening, Beloved, I spoke with a very dear friend about life, death, cycles of rebirth, dementia, Alzheimer's, cancer, suicide, depression, care-taking and the like.  I shall contemplate the details of our conversation for quite some time...

For now, I want to note how much taller and broader and lighter I feel.  The tentacles of the dark shadow that has been looming for several months seem to be receding.  I almost felt as though I were growing wings while speaking to my dear sister in Christ.  She certainly lifted my burden of sorrow.

It seems that few people are able to discuss death and loss as realities of life.  Either they become disconnected and talk simply about the facts, which removes them from the situation emotionally, or they become so involved as to become a further hindrance to my grief process.  Few have been able to listen deeply, to be vulnerable with their own experiences and still refrain from "stealing the show" or comparing their grief to mine in a way that turns the conversation towards them.

It is hard to find compassionate, pastoral listeners.  But You brought me to three this week.  One in particular remained with me long into the night.  She is the reason I am writing.

I am blessed beyond words by our conversation and time together.  I am very grateful that You have brought us together for these days following Christmas.  Like the tiny snail here, I feel a bit like I have been brought to a safe haven.

Photo by Trista Wynne

I am surrounded by people who know me intimately.  They are providing me with emotional and spiritual shelter in the midst of the storm of grief.  Thank You, Beloved, for giving me a bit of new life and for lightening my spirit during this time of communion with Your peoples.  Amen.

Life, Death & Renewal

Beloved ~

It's been several days since I've last written here... well, several days since I've written anywhere, really.  The last week or so has been filled with a tremendous sadness as I wonder whether this will be the last Christmas with a few of my loved ones.  There have been joyful moments, too, and I am very grateful for the presence of a dear friend visiting my husband's family and my family both over these Holy Days.

Still, the shadow of grief continues to hover.  Sometimes it looms large and ominous, covering everything with a bluish-black hue.  Other times the shadow is a hint on the corner of my eye, just far enough out of my direct sight not to impede my vision, but lingering in the periphery nonetheless.  I am always aware of its presence.

It has been said that the thing that sets humans apart from other animals and plants is the knowledge of and contemplation regarding our own mortality (and that of others).  I am not convinced that we are alone in such knowledge.  I've seen enough pets near death to see such knowledge in their eyes and have felt their spirits reaching out much as ours often do in our final days, weeks and months.

Part of me often wonders about the plants that You have created.  Do they have some sense of self-awareness?  This is a question I don't think any of us can answer for certain.  One thing that is certain, though, is that the blooming flowers are with us one moment and the next are returning to the earth from which they sprang forth.  New life often comes up out of the soil in the very same spot, sometimes right away, sometimes after a great deal of time has passed.

Photo by Trista Wynne

The return of the flower to the earth is a vital part of the eco-cycle.  The new plants receive nourishment from the plants which have grown before.  And the petals and leaves which now line the earth give the little seedlings much needed protection against the elements until they are able to branch out on their own.

Flip it on & Turn it Up: A Prayer in the Winter

Precious Beloved ~

How very grateful I am that we have access to running water!  Indoor plumbing, especially the toilet and shower, and electricity, particularly the heat and stove, are often taken for granted in our society.  In the winter particularly, if any one of these things runs awry, we feel the effects right away and are quick to lament.  Before the cries of lament, Lord, I just want to say thank You.

Christ is Risen! Alleluia!

Ah Beloved,

Today we celebrate Your resurrection from the grave! We lift songs and dance and all kinds of exuberance as we remember all that You have accomplished through Your birth, life, death, resurrection and ascension. We look forward to the time when You will come again to complete Your new creation. Maranatha! Come, Lord Jesus! Amen.



Although the audio quality is a little low, (a simple voice recorder was left in the pews while we prepared to lead this song) I still think you'll enjoy it. The worship team, bell choir, organist and choral groups of the church all worked together to craft this 2009 version of a familiar Easter hymn. Special thanks to the people of St Peter's and Frankincense for their love and prayers over the years. We remember our time together fondly.

The video here visually walks through Palm Sunday and the slowly darkening week we have just been through. Beginning with the palm fronds, then progressing through images of fall, and the bitter cold of winter, I wanted to remember through pictures the journey of Holy Week. The sun sets and photos from a local cemetery remind us of the sad day when our Lord was crucified, died and was buried. These images soon give way, following a burst of lightning, to the glorious joy of new life that we find in the resurrection.

A brilliant display of springtime color reminds us that we are in the season of growth. We now find ourselves looking forward to the delightful days of summer, just as we await the fullness of time when all things are finally made new, and there is no more pain, sorrow, loss, war or bloodshed. We are in an in between time, somewhere between light and shadows, living as fully as we can in the here and now while always keeping a watchful eye for the unfolding of the glorious Kingdom of our Beloved.

Blessings to you all on this most holy of days.

Happy Easter, 2011.