Born to be a Healer

Psalm 139:13
Photo by friend Justin Foltz
Used with permission.

One of my dear friends and prayer partners who is working as a Bible translator in Asia mailed a special book to me for the holidays.  I just received it yesterday.  The book is entitled Whispers of His Word: Encountering Jesus.  It is a journal with brief verses and writing prompts to focus us in on the heart of God.

Last night I read the introduction and turned to the first entry page.  There I found Psalm 139:13.

For You created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother's womb.

The prayer prompt begins by addressing our Lord as the creative, loving father who crafted us in our mother's womb and knew every fiber of our being before we even took our first breath beginning a journey of self-discovery that lasts throughout our lives.  Daddy, Papa, Abba, You made me so wonderful.  Why?

The lines in the journal remained blank as I simply breathed deeply and asked the Holy Spirit to come and touch me:   

Come, Sophia, Creative Energy, Dancing Child.  
Come, draw near and whisper in my ear.  
Come, draw close, and fill me with Your presence.  
Come, and let me draw near to You.

There was no flash of lightning or sudden knowledge regarding any of the questions hanging close to my heart last night.  My hairs were not raised.  No fires, smoke or clouds filled the room.  No loud, nor still small voice, penetrated the darkness as I flipped off the lamp.  There were no outward signs that my petition had been heard.  And yet, inside, there was a sense of peace slowly rising.  Whether tiredness from the day simply took over or whether I was being held in the Father's arms of love, I slipped into a peaceful slumber and did not awake until just before dawn.

This morning greeted me with open arms and a sense of hope and inspiration.  I rose just as the beginning rays from the sun were peaking over the east horizon.  Our kitties were delighted and stretched lazily in the sunshine as I pulled back the curtains to watch the sun rise.  For the first Sunday morning in several months, I felt joy at the prospect of attending a new church, and prepared for the endeavor.

My husband and I have been sleeping in on the weekends, focusing on our relationship and on healing from some disappointments we'd had with a few of our local congregations.  I've been struggling with identity and wondering why our Creator would gift me in all sorts of ways and call me towards the pastoral realm and yet not provide congregational support for the journey through seminary.  Frustration with the system and the brokenness therein caused us both to pull away for a season.  One year ago our faith community separated.  Everyone else had a back up plan, but for my husband and I, this was our only "church".  I realize that I had more emotionally invested in that community than nearly anyone else.  When it disbanded, I felt abandoned.

Why did You create me?  What was my purpose in that community?  What is my purpose without that community?  Where am I called?  Where do You reside?  What is church?  Where is my connection to Your Family, God?

Through a dear friend and pastor, I found solace and connection at a precious Episcopal church where I reconnected with my liturgical roots (I was raised in a Lutheran church and love liturgical practice and high church celebration of the Holy Mystery).  On Wednesday mornings this has been a place of great hospitality and deep healing.  I am grateful for this connection to the larger Family of God.

As I prepare to wrap up my seminary studies, I am looking for a place to do my internship.  The search has been prone to potholes, twists and turns.  Part of the search for a place to nest and nurture is also doing soul-searching of identity and gifts.  This brings me back to the journal prompt at the beginning of this post.

Papa, You made me so wonderful.  Why?

Where, as Walter Bruggemann puts it, do my deep passions and gifts meet the world's deepest needs?

I'm not just looking to fulfill a degree requirement.  I'm looking for a place where I can be stretched, supported and nurtured, and where a wide spectrum of my gifts and talents will be put to good use for the development and healing of the community.  Perhaps you find yourself in a similar place.

Maybe you are encountering God in a whole new way and looking for a place that reflects this shift in your relationship.  Perhaps you're realizing that the way you have been, or participated in, church before isn't satisfying any longer.  Maybe you've just come through a large transition in your life - the loss of a loved one, transition in employment, change in your health, a shifting in world perspective or emotional well-being - and you're feeling a little lost or lethargic in spiritual matters.

Maybe you understand where I have been - longing for the Presence of God and looking for the renewal of all creation.

You may be in the midst of self-discovery for a new stage in your life, or even preparing to transition from this life into the next.

Wherever you find yourself today, I pray that you will encounter the Living Christ and that you might know the healing power of His love through the Holy Spirit.

I am discovering and re-discovering that my deepest calling is to be a healer.  I was born to be a healing helpmate.  I'm still discovering what this means vocationally, but for now, I'm glad to serve as a healer in our apartment community as well as here online.

God bless you, wherever you find yourself along life's journey.  One day we will all be together within the heart of God.