Signs of New Life

Beloved ~

As we journey through the middle of the winter time, I have found it hard to remember the light of your love.  My soul has often felt like it was swirling in a thick fog or meandering about in the darkness, lacking direction and confidence.  Such have the months been since graduating from seminary and asking what is next.  Here, though, in these last few days, it seems that your Spirit has been stirring and opening new doors.  I have now sold my second painting: "The Tree of Life".  A shining reminder that You are in the midst of making all things new, I feel like you have affirmed my pathway of artistic and creative endeavors.  I am filled with peace.

Painting, "The Tree of Life" by Trista Wynne

In the same day, as I opened the door to walk onto our back patio, I noticed that the bulbs I planted shortly after we arrived in this place are now beginning to sprout!  I am so very thankful for these signs of new life and promise.  These simple signs remind me of your presence, even in the swirling questions regarding my purpose and the reasons for moving back to my childhood hometown.

The questions remain, but at least I don't feel like You are very far away.  Even if I have to continue waiting, I am comforted in the reminder that You are here, in the shadows and fog.  You are watching and waiting right alongside of me.

Perhaps that is the reminder that you gave during the epiphany so many years ago -- a sign of your love and light, your very Presence wrapped in human flesh, shining in the midst of the dark night.  You are not so very far from any of us, are you?  For all of these signs of new light and life, thank you.

Photo by Trista Wynne

Praise for Rest

Beloved ~

Thank You for this wonderful weekend filled with music-making, fellowship, rest, photography and peace.  Thank You for time with my family, time with my husband, time to myself, time with other musicians, time with other theologians, time with spiritual guides, time with our snugly kitties and time with You.  I am deeply grateful for this time.

I loved watching the kitties dart about in the chilly sunshine outside on our patio, and soaking in the sunny windowsill above the heater afterwards to warm up.  I loved playing silly games with my husband for several hours last night while we reclined together on the couch.  I loved meandering though the Chinese Garden in Portland earlier today and taking pictures with my husband along the way.

I loved having time to sit and rock in mom's rocking chair, reclining by my daddy's side and sharing funny memories together while they had their milkshakes and we had our burgers.  I loved sharing our gifts of music on Saturday and Sunday mornings to help Your peoples to worship You.  I love having people with whom to make music and share stories and consider Your works and words and love.

This four-day weekend was truly a blessing!  And Your sun shone through almost all of it.  For Your light I am incredibly grateful.  For this time, I am thankful.  For the people in my life, I am deeply thankful.  For the time I had with You on a long walk yesterday, I am very thankful.  For my degree which arrived in the mail this weekend, I am thankful.

I am simply thankful.

A Brief Thanksgiving

Beloved ~

Thank you for the sunshine today!

Thank you for the time I was able to spend with my husband and with my parents today.  Being with them all this morning and seeing my parents' eyes light up with joy over the toddler I nanny was a tremendous blessing!  I haven't seen them smile and laugh like that in a long time!

Photo by Trista Wynne

Thank you for the delight that the little child I nanny takes in life.  The child's spirit seems to rub off on all with whom they interact.  I pray this child never looses that quality!

Thank you for this time, Beloved.

Amen.

Remembering Days Gone By

Beloved ~

While getting ready for work this morning, my body, mind and spirit were coated in molasses.  I moved very slowly.  Tired and grieving, I climbed into the car.  I cried a great deal.

All I want to do is to sit with my daddy.  All I desire is to snuggle up close with him.  I don't want to see or hear or touch anyone else.

Perhaps being a nanny is hard right now because what I want more than anything is to be little again.  I want to be a small child once more -- knowing what I know now -- climbing up onto my daddy's lap at the end of his work day.  I want that time with him back.

Sharing snacks of peanut butter and crackers while watching cartoons or reading a book was one of my favorite ways to end the day.  When everyone else was asleep, I would lay in my bed and wait for the sound of daddy's car to drive up.  I'd sneak out of bed and greet him at the door and we would have our special time together.  The nights when daddy would tell me a story about life on the farm when he was little were the best...

The Calling of Your Light

Beloved ~

The sun is shining brightly today, something it hasn't done in months.  Week after week, the dark clouds have hovered, threatening rain, reflecting the heaviness and teariness within me.  Today, though the clouds have parted; gentle breezes have carried them away, perhaps to some weary land desperately in need of moisture and shade.

Although the clouds have parted, my weariness remains...

Photo by Trista Wynne

A branch blocks the light, keeping our bedroom from being filled with the sunshine.  I'm tempted to run outside with a hacksaw or to break it off by hand.

My soul needs the light.  My eyes need the light.  My body, my heart, my mind need Your Light.

The light remains outside.  The sunshine's rays are filtered by the tree branches, only partially reaching my eyes.  And yet, even in this half-light, I am being comforted.  I find a smile beginning to tug at the corners of my mouth and my lungs filling a little deeper with Your Spirit.